June 2009

Prof. Macaraig stood in front of the class, scratching his bare shoulders (he was wearing yet another sando), and casually said, "Next week, emo ang theme natin."

Emo? Uh-oh, I thought, habang pilit na di tinitignan ang buhok sa kili-kili ni Prof.

"Makinig kayo ha! Ngayon ko lang kayo pagbibigyan na magsulat ng emo, kasi, sa totoo lang, ayaw ko muna makarinig ng kahit na anong emo," ang paliwanag ni Prof, "Sa totoo lang, heartbroken ako, kaya ayoko ng emo. Nadadala ako eh."

Tameme lang ang class.

Umubo si Prof at sinabing, "Ang title ng piece niyo next week ay, Bakit Niya Ako Iniwan?"

Nasamid yata ako.

Nagtaas ng kamay ang red-haired slightly-pokpok kong ka-klase na si Rica, bibo as ever, "Sir, pipili lang ako ng isang tao lang sa lahat ng mga lalakeng umiwan sa akin?"

Ngumiti si Prof, "Oo, baka kulangin tayo ng oras pag nilahat mo, Rica."

Napatawa ang class. Pero maraming mga kamay ang sumunod na tumaas.

"Pwede po ba ang happy ending?"

"How many words po this time?"

"Pwede po ba dalawang tao na lang instead ng isa?"

"Sir, paano po pag wala pang nang-iiwan sa akin?"

To most of the questions, "bahala na kayo" ang sagot ni Prof. Dun sa huling tanong, ang sagot niya ng pabiro, "Ulol! Wag ka mayabang, halata namang hindi ka pa nagkakadyowa!"

Bakit niya ako iniwan? naisip ko, Sino sa kanila ang pipiliin ko???

After the class, nagyaya si Prof na uminom kami sa malapit na lugar lang.

Hindi na ako nakatanggi. Besides, kasama si Richard a.k.a. SchoolBoi eh. Curious ako kung ano itsura niya pag nalasing.

Suplado si SchoolBoi. Di siya masyadong nakikimix-in sa class, mas gusto niyang nagtatake-notes at nagbabasa ng libro.

Sa mga yosi breaks namin, di siya lumalabas ng room. Nakaupo lang, at nagmumuni-muni.

Nung binasa niya yung piece niya last week, nagulat ako sa sinulat niya. His writing is very... intense.

Habang binabasa niya ang mga salitang nag-lalarawan sa pagkatao niya, parang medyo galit siya. Hindi naman siya mukhang mahiyain, mukha lang siyang medyo bad trip sa mundo.

Pasalamat na lang siya cute siya. Feeling ko nga mas crush ko siya lalo. Lalo pa nang napansin ko na mas kamukha niya pala si Atom Araullo.

Mabalik tayo sa inuman.

Nagulat ako sa lugar na pinuntahan ng class namin.

Para siyang pubhouse sa kanto na tinatambayan ng mga jeepney and tricycle drivers.

Lupa ang sahig. At ang specialty nila ay tapang kabayo.

In fairness, ang mura ng pulutan.

Medyo na-haggard lang ako na san miguel pale ang in-order ni Prof para sa lahat.

Masayang kasama pala ang mga taga-UP ano? Ang saya nilang kausap, and very kalog.

Tinanong ako ni slightly-pokpok Rica, "May boyfriend ka ba ngayon, Bookie?"

Napatingin sa akin ang grupo, panandaliang natigil ang mga usapan.

Namula yata ako, "Wala eh."

Tumango sila, parang di sila nagulat sa sinabi ko.

Tinanong naman ako ng kaklase kong si Matt, isang lalakeng parang alambre sa payat, "Nagka-boyfriend ka na ba?"

Tumango ako.

"Ilan?" tanong ni Prof.

"Mga apat na, I think," sagot ko, definitely blushing. Di ako sanay na pinaguusapan ang lovelife ko with people whom I barely know.

Pero keri lang, kasi medyo may tama na rin ako sa beer.

Sumingit naman si Rica, while flicking her hair, "Nagkagirlfriend ka ba?"

Tumango ako uli, "Nung highschool."

"Talaga?" gulat na gulat ang talipandas na si Rica, "Ilan??"

I shrugged, "Mga lima."

Nun ko napansin na nakatingin si SchoolBoi, nakikinig sa usapan namin.

I held my breath.

Nagsalita si SchoolBoi, nakangiti, nagtanong sa akin, habang gulat na nakatingin sa kaniya ang grupo, "Don't you miss being straight?"

Ngumiti ako. He's definitely... intense.

"No, not really, not when there are cute boys like you around," I teased him.

Nagulat siya sa sagot ko, tapos napatawa ng malakas.

Tumabi si Rica sa akin sa upuan, at pabirong bumulong sa akin, "Flirt!"

Ngumiti ako sa kaniya, at bumulong din, "It takes one to know one."

"Totoo ka diyan, ate!!!" tawa niya habang nag-apir kami.

Hay...

I love my class.

Good morning, dear readers!

Since I am in a learning-frenzy mood, I decided to join a Spanish-language class in Instituto De Cervantes this July 17th.

Their Intensive Program is scheduled for every Friday at 9AM and 1PM. It is a five-week course with 10 sessions (3-hours each).

Classes start on July 17 until August 19 of this year. Last day of enrollment is July 15, pasok na pasok pa sa sweldo.

However, they need a minimum of ten students per class. Sa ngayon, I think they only have four. If anyone is interested, please please please do send me an email.

Or you can visit their website at http://manila.cervantes.es/es/default.shtm.

The course fee, by the way, is P2,920. Not bad na, di ba?

At least, after this course, hindi na lang paella, noche buena, at tonta ang mga spanish words na alam ko...

I saw my would-be classmates yesterday.

And yes, I am definitely the oldest in the class. Sigh.

Yet, feeling ko mas mature pa sila sa akin; intellectually, anyway.

Kabado pa ako kaya dehins muna ako nakipag-chat with the other students.

Most of them knew each other already, which made things worse for me kasi para akong wallflower sa isang sulok ng classroom.

By the way, I know I shouldn't expect too much in regards to the condition of the classroom (it is UP, after all), but jesussantamaria naman, wala bang arm-chair na mas malaki??? I could barely fit into the one I chose to sit on. Para akong higanteng nagpumilit ma-upo sa kindergarten na chair. Lagi na lang akong naka-stomach in nung naka-upo ako.

Our prof, si Professor Macaraig, showed up to see who was signing up for the seminar. Naka-shorts at tsinelas lang siya. Hmmm... maybe pagpasok ko ngayong Friday, naka-Spartan na lang ako at sando. Time to flaunt my white flawless (and flabby) arms.

Anyway, the point of this entry is... may ka-klase akong cute. Wait, let me correct myself... he is VERY cute. Kinikilig nga ako every time naaalala ko siya eh.

He's about 5'8", slightly buff, fair-skinned, chinito, and kinda nerdy-looking. Kamukha niya si Rico Yan.

His name is Richard Something. I think I'll call him SchoolBoi.

I don't know if he's gay or not; he's the quiet-type and he was reading a book most of the time kaya dehins ko rin mapa-gana ang gaydar ko.

Anyway, I couldn't get a picture of SchoolBoi kasi dehins ko alam kung pwede ba ang cellphone sa loob ng classroom (paranoid ako kasi syempre laking call center kung saan madalas bawal ang cellphone).

Sana maging magbestfriend kami ni SchoolBoi. Sana magkatuluyan kami. Sana wag akong masyadong ilusyunada.

While I was daydreaming about marrying SchoolBoi, pumunta sa harap ng classroom si Prof Macaraig and announced that may assignment na raw kami for Friday's class.

A thousand-word essay about "Who I Am and What I Was".

Shet. What the hell am I gonna write???

Today, balik-eskuwela ang beauty ko.

I'll be registering later this afternoon for a three-month creative writing course sa U.P. Diliman.

Thank God mura lang ang bayad.

Pero kinakabahan ako.

What if my classmates don't like me?

What if I'm the oldest in the class?

What if di ako maka-cope sa course work?

What if may sexual tension kami ng professor ko?

What if di ko mapanood ang Oblation Run?

God I am so excited.

Wish me luck, folks...

As is my custom, I arrived 30 minutes early sa Rufo's. We were supposed to meet at 11PM, but I was nervous, and extremely tense so I arrived early.

I was nervous because I was meeting a former friend of mine. I was tense because I didn't know what he wanted.

Why do I say former friend? Easy. He used to be a friend of mine, but then... well, let's just say he kinda stabbed me in the back. Multiple times. He ruined my relationship with my bestfriend and spread nasty rumors about me.

Let's call him Red.

That was a couple of years ago. We haven't seen or talked to each other since. Nor did I want to.

And then, the other day, I received a text message:

"Hi Bookie, can we meet? I really need to talk to you."

Hala. After years of ignoring each other, ganun na lang?

But I was curious. Why did he want to talk to me all of a sudden? Wouldn't you be curious?

So I replied:

"Saan?"

He texted back:

"Sa dating tambayan. Is 11pm ok with you? Ngayong Friday?"

So there I was on a Friday night, sa dating tambayan naming tatlo, sa Rufo's sa Makati Ave. Pero this time, kaming dalawa lang ang magmi-meet.

Wala ang pangatlong miyembro ng barkada, ang aking dating bestfriend. We used to be inseparable, the three of us.

But after all the drama... siyempre, I kinda lost track of what happened to the both of them.

Ang alam ko, si Red, sa ibang company na nagtatrabaho. Si Blue, yung dati kong bestfriend, dito pa rin, I think. Pero I rarely see him. And on the rare occasions that we do see each other, we pretend that the other doesn't exist. At first it was really awkward, people kept asking me what happened, and I'm assuming he got the same queries from our other friends. I don't know how he dealt with it. Ako? I just answered people that Blue and I weren't friends anymore.

I miss Blue. A lot, actually. Pero... Ewan. I don't know what to say about him. I just miss him.

Rufo's was surprisingly almost empty that night. Usually, punung-puno siya ng diners and lasinggeros, pero that night, ang kasabay ko lang ay tatlong lalake, about three tables away from me, and they were talking about the calls they received that day. Nagkalat talaga ang mga call center agents.

The television was on and fixed on a local music channel, and Katie Perry's song, "Thinking of You" was playing.

I ordered a beer para lang masabi na um-order ako. Pero sa totoo lang, ayoko talaga ng beer.

At exactly 11pm, nakita kong bumaba ng taxi si Red. Naka-skinny jeans at red na shirt.

Dire-diretso siyang naupo sa silya sa harap ko, naka-ngiti, parang walang nangyaring samaan ng loob.

Ako naman, tahimik lang, walang expression sa mukha. That is, I hope walang emosyon ang mukha ko, pero deep inside, parang gusto kong mag-walk out na lang.

Um-order ako ng isa pang beer since nalagok ko agad yung una.

Um-order rin si Red ng beer, at sisig, sabay tanong sa akin, "May gusto ka pang kainin? Sagot ko."

"Ok lang ako," sabi ko, pumipiyok pa.

Tahimik kami.

After a moment, nagtanong siya, "How are you?"

Uminom ako, bago sumagot, "Ok lang. Ganun pa rin. Walang masyadong nagbago."

Tumango siya, at nagpahid ng pawis sa noo niya.

Tahimik lang ako. Hinihintay kung ano pa ang sasabihin niya.

"Anong balita mo kay Blue?" tanong ni Red.

Medyo nahihilo na ako, tama siguro ng beer, o baka dahil sa tanong niya, "Wala akong kahit na anong balita about him. We don't talk."

Tahimik siya, nakatungo, um-order pa ng isang beer. Para kaming nag-uunahang malasing.

Binottoms up ko na ang akin at um-order ng isa pa.

"So, kamusta ka na?" tanong niya ulit.

"You already asked me that," sagot ko.

He said nothing, seryoso lang ang mukha. Nainip na ako.

"Look, we can't sit here pretending to do small talk, you obviously have something on your mind, so spill it," sabi ko, habang binababa ng waitress ang Red Horse na in-order ko, napatingin pa sa akin ang lola mo, nagulat yata dahil medyo malakas na ang boses ko.

Kinalahati ko agad ang beer habang nakatingin kay Red.

At naalala ko bigla nung unang pinakilala sa akin ni Blue si Red. It was during a company party. Red is good-looking, pati si Blue. Mabenta sila sa gay circles.

We were all drunk that night and Red told me, secretly, na crush daw niya si Blue. Pero wag ko raw sasabihin sa kaniya. I laughed, kasi alam ko type rin ni Blue si Red. Bagay naman sila, in fairness.

Tinanong ako ni Red noon kung type ko ba si Blue. I laughed again, and told him, "No, he's my bestfriend."

Pero mukhang di siya naniwala.

When I found out a year later na they were secretly seeing each other, aaminin ko nagulat ako, pero to be honest, di naman ako na-hurt eh. Siguro slight lang, dahil Blue never confided to me about it. Yun pala, ang sabi sa kaniya ni Red, huwag daw sabihin sa akin, dahil feeling niya, patay na patay ako sa bestfriend ko. Which wasn't true. Unfortunately, naniwala si Blue sa kaniya. Things started going to hell from there.

At eto ngayon si Red, sa harap ko, at hindi siya makapagsalita.

Napansin ko na malaki ang ipinayat niya, at mukhang di na siya malusog, nawala na ang dating matinee idol looks niya.

Gusto kong maawa pero... tao lang ako.

"What do you want with me, Red?" sabi ko.

Nagsindi siya ng yosi, tapos sumagot ng, "I want to explain..."

So I waited for his explanation. Pero wala siyang imik. Nakatingin lang siya sa sisig sa lamesa namin. Medyo naweweirduhan ako sa tahimik na version na ito ni Red. Dati kasi, lagi siyang life of the party, at super-kalog.

I guess he couldn't explain why he did what he did.

But I knew why. He was in love. We all do crazy things when we're in love. Some just resort to lies and deception. Like what he did.

"I don't think it matters, at this point," I told him, as I stood up, gathering my things, and leaving some money on the table.

He looked up and I saw something that looked like panic on his face.

I wanted to tell him na ok lang, matagal na yun, napatawad ko na siya, pero I couldn't. He was the one who was good with lies, not me.

The last thing he said to me before I left him there was "I'm sorry, Ryan."

I smiled at him as kindly as I could, and replied, "I know you are."