Nov 2007

"I'm late na!" said JDG, as she ran down the ops floor, searching for a station to log-in to.

I've been waiting for JDG to come to work all weekend. There was something I simply had to ask her.

As she logged in, I sat quietly next to her, waiting for her to set things up.

"Kamusta ka naman, Bookie?" she asked me, while accessing her tools online.

I answered nonchalantly, "Ok naman, kamusta naman ang secret marriage mo?"

She flipped her head towards me, a shocked look on her face, and screamed, "Sheeet! Sinabi sayo ni Sup na nagpakasal na ako!!!"

I smiled, "Nope, he didn't tell me. Nahulaan ko lang siya kasi medyo kakaiba na yung mga comments and testimonials sa Friendster profiles niyong mag-dyowa eh. Plus, heller, ang status mo married di ba?"

She screamed again and hugged me. I think the whole Ops floor was scandalised at our colegiala behavior.

"I had no idea I would be getting married that day, as in!" JDG gushed excitedly, "Binigla niya ako!"

"I think it's so romantic, kinikilig nga ako eh," I told her, "Who was there with you during the civil wedding?"

"Ako lang, tsaka si Bebe ko, tsaka yung cousin niya," she replied.

"Ha?! Wala si Sup, ang iyong superbestfriendinthewholewideworld!?" I asked.

"Eh kasi naman, biglaan nga di ba! I was texting him and calling him kaso apparently, he was in a meeting all day long," JDG answered, "He didn't check his phone until the end of the day."

"Eh ano ba pumasok sa isip niyo at binigla niyo?"

"Haaaay, kasi we were driving around, sabi niya gimik daw kami or something, tapos napansin ko, nasa Manila proper na kami," she explained, "nagtaka naman ako. Akala ko nga sa SM Manila kami pupunta eh, hahahahaha!"

She continued, "I kept asking him where we were going pero di siya sumasagot. Until finally, he asked me, kung ayain kitang magpakasal ngayon na, ready ka na ba?"

I held my breath as I asked, "Eh anong sagot mo?"

JDG laughed, "Sabi ko, haaa?"

"Sheet Buks, kinabahan ako sobra. As in, feeling ko nakikita ko na yung tibok ng puso ko through my chest," she told me, "When we arrived sa city hall, we asked around kung available ba ang reverend and judge next week. Sabi nung employee dun baka next month pa raw. Eh hindi naman puwede yun kasi alis na siya for another country by that time. Then she said na available daw sila pareho now na! So ayun, go na!"

"OMG, you are officially married na talaga. I can't believe it," I said.

"At hindi alam ng parents ko!" JDG squealed.

Antapang talaga ng lola niyo.

Alam niyo ba kung gaano kahirap ang maging mataba?

1) Ang hirap bumili ng damit. Madalas, wala silang size mo. Dati, pumasok ako sa People Are People. Eh malay ko bang may discrimination sila sa mga taong may bilbil???

May nakita akong madumi at gusgusing shirt na for some odd reason eh mukhang maganda, so tinanong ko yung saleslady na isang kilong make-up yata ang suot, "Miss, meron ba kayong XXl nito?"

Tumingin sa akin ang mahadera, at medyo paismid na sumagot na "Yan na po ang XL namin. Largest size na po namin yan."

Sabay talikod.

Abaaaa. Ang pukengkeng na babaeng to. Tapakan ko kaya siya tsaka buong pamilya niya. Hmp.

XL na pala tong shirt na hawak ko. Eh kasing size lang siya ng hita ko eh. Haaay.

Ang kasya lang yata sa akin eh yung mga sapatos nila. At di pa babagay sa akin.

2) Bihira akong sumakay ng tricycle. Kasi maraming steep na streets sa amin sa Guada. Madalas, pansin ko, medyo hirap silang umandar pataas. Kakahiya.

Tsaka everytime sumasakay ako ng tricycle, lumulungkot yung mukha ng mga driver. Parang namatayan. Kinakabahan siguro na baka bumigay yung motor nila. Di ko naman sila masisi, mabigat talaga ako.

3) Mabilis akong mapagod at ma-high blood. Eh mahilig pa naman ako sa chocolates. My doctor already advised me that if I continue eating the way I do, mas lalong magiging critical daw ang health ko.

But the fact is, madalas, kahit high blood ako, I feel fine. Naranasan ko na ngang maging 180/110, pero kebs lang sa akin. I felt fine. Pero siyempre, may takot sa puso ko.

What if, bigla na lang akong bumagsak sa atake sa puso? Makakayanan ba ng mga medics na buhatin ang katawan ko? Kaya ba ng stretcher nila ang weight ko? What if pangit yung doctor na mag-aasikaso sa akin? Yan ang mga tanong na bumabagabag sa akin gabi-gabi.

Now, you're probably asking yourself, why, for the love of God, don't I go on a diet?

Here's the thing. I really love to eat. As in.

Madali akong matukso sa pagkain.

I love fried chicken, chocolates, pasta, pork, beef, candy, junk food, street food, lahat na ng klase ng food except seafood.

Think of it this way. Most of my friends are conscious of their diets. When we go to the mall, and we see something that looks delectable in a store, my friends would just say "Sheeet! Parang ang sarap. Kaso di puwede. It's fattening."

Ako naman, by the time na natapos na yung sinabi nila, nakabili na ako at nakain ko na sya. I love experiencing eating new dishes that tickle my palate.

I'm a real gourmet and glutton.

Yung saying na "Eat to live, don't eat to live"? It obviously does not apply to me.

Life is short. Eat everything. Yan ang saying ko.

And from now on, di na ako magrereklamo sa itsura ko. Mataba ako eh. Deal with it.

She-ra and I went to KFC downstairs the other day to buy some chocolate mousse as we both had a sudden serious craving for it.

In front of the fast food shop, there was this guy smoking and brooding all by himself.

He looked delectably yummy. He was tall, mestizo, and had a short goatee. Ang sarap niya, I swear. I could feel my bakla-mode turning itself on.

My brain told me: Buquir! Wag kang magpapacute! Mahiya ka sa sarili mo!

Pero sabi naman ng balls ko: Helloooooo!!! Wagi ever ang fez ng lolo mo! Go na girl! Gogo Sandwich!

But before I could even decide on anything, She-ra beat me to it.

He left my side, went straight to the guy, and talked with him. I casually stood a few feet away from them, not looking but trying my very best to eavesdrop.

However, a few seconds after, She-ra went back to me, a sad smile on his face, and whispered, "Hinihintay daw niya girlfriend niya."

Hay. Talo talaga ng keps ang bakla sa mundo ng mga straight... mabuti pa ang chocolate mousse, lagi na lang nandiyan. Ready magpatikim at magpakain.

Amorsolo and I are currently looking for a place where the both of us could live together. In separate rooms, of course.

I suggested to him that there are a lot of available decent apartments near my current one ni Guadalupe.

"Guada-loopy? Eeew! There's so madaming bubongs there! It's so like mainit kaya dun!" Amorsolo complained, "It's so not posh a place kaya!"

Eh ano pa nga ba ang masasabi ko sa ganoong comment di ba?

"Besides, I want a place which is actually just walking distance from the office," he said.

I replied, sarcastically, "Sa Columns? Gusto mo dun na lang tayo, afford naman natin devah?"

"Afford ko, yes, pero ikaw, I don't think soooo," he answered back.

Anyways, we had a talk about the living accommodations.

"You better be a clean housemate!" Amorsolo told me.

I'm not, actually. I hate washing dishes and you should see my room, God! Mukha siyang bodega ng mga damit, unan, at libro. Ang kalat.

The one thing I am good at in regards to household chores is cleaning the bathroom. For some odd reason, I enjoy cleaning my bathroom. Ewan ko kung bakit.

"That's good. Di ikaw maglinis ng banyo natin lagi," Amorsolo said, "And I'll be the one to clean the dishes."

We are still currently looking for a place, a two-bedroom apartment which is really near the office.

If you guys have any idea, please do tell me. Amorsolo keeps hinting that we should move to Dasmarinas Village in order to match our "posh reputations".

Yeah, right....

It was Tuesday at around 3am, when I suddenly had the urge to get drunk in front of strangers.

I texted JR this message:

Inuman tayo. Now na.

Reply naman agad ang JR:

Sus! Drawing ka naman eh!

To which I replied:

Walang biro, tsong. Gusto kong malasing.

JR took the hint and agreed to go with me to Malate.

We decided to get some dinner first in a li'l place called Silya. Medyo naparami ang order namin (crispy pata, fried calamers, chicken lollipop and three cups of java rice) kaya we had the waiter wrap up the leftovers and I gave it to this homeless guy who kept pestering us since we started eating.

"Bakit ba ang dami natin kasing in-order?" asked JR.

"Para marami rin tayong i-suka mamaya pag sobrang lasing na tayo!" I answered.

"Eh bakit ba all of a sudden, gusto mong magpaka-lango sa beer?" he asked.

It took me a while to answer, "Wala lang, haggard lang ang mga araw ko lately."

We headed to O-Bar, which was just next to our resto. The place was surprisingly crowded, for a tuesday night. Ang mga bakla talaga, adik sa gimik.

We went straight for the bar and immediately ordered a round of Red Horse beer.

We were surrounded by gay couples and fag hags. Most of them were already drunk and making out with each other.

After about thirty minutes and three bottles of beer, medyo may tama na agad ako.

Si JR naman sumasayaw na sa tabi ko. Pansin ko lang, medyo seductive pala sumayaw ang lolo mo. Kaya pala pinagtitinginan na siya ng mga baklush sa paligid namin. Lalo na yung isang Thundercats na bading na sobrang lasing na nakaupo sa malapit sa amin. His companions, a tall transvestite in a white Venus-cut blouse, and a thirty-something gay guy.

I leaned close to JR and whispered in his ear, "I think Lolo Homo kinda likes you. Kanina pa siya nakatingin sa iyo."

"I know. Pansin ko nga," JR whispered back, "Sandali lang ha? I just need to make a call."

After a few minutes, he went back in, and was laughing at something.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"May nagtanong sa akin sa labas kung Tito daw kita," he said.

Natameme ako dun. Pakshet talaga! Do I really look that old???

"Nasaan ang punyetang baklang yan na nagsabing Tito mo ako?" I asked him, extremely peeved.

He just laughed and said, "Don't worry. I told him you were my date."

"Naks naman. Anlakas ng loob mo ha? Date?" I joked, "Wag kang maiinlove sa akin JR ha! Friends lang tayo!"

"Ulol! Baka ikaw ang mainlove sa akin!" he kidded back.

At this point, Lolo Homo approached us and started flirting with JR.

He was whispering something in his ear and JR seemed mildly annoyed, but he was trying to be nice to the old guy. He wasn't actually that old. Maybe early 40's?

Ang face? Ummm... mukha naman siyang mabait. Mabait na luya. Joke lang po.

White Transvestite approached me, smiling, "Hello! My name's Vicki!" And then he/she made beso to me.

Hindi ako sanay sa ganung eksena. I mean, he/she was a stranger after all. Pero since may tama na ako ng beer, go lang!

"Hi! Ako si Bookie," I introduced myself, with matching beso na rin.

There was another guy pero forgettable siya so I won't bother with him na.

White Transvestite and I were watching Lolo Homo flirt with JR.

JR, meanwhile, was trying to avoid being hugged by Lolo Homo.

"I think your friend has the hots for my friend," I noted to White Transvestite.

"Hahaha! Cute kasi ng friend mo, he looks like Enchong Dee," White Transvestite gushed.

Enchong Dee? Hmmm... maybe.

Lolo Homo was now trying to dance with JR, but the latter was still trying to fend off the former's advances.

Buti na lang, the cavalry came. Dumating na sa wakas yung mga friends ni JR, along with his ex, Brewster.

JR instantly latched himself onto his female friend, whom we shall call Gurlash.

I guess he thought he would use Gurlash as a human shield so Lolo Homo would back off.

Which he did.

Lolo Homo retreated to our side and said, "Eeeeew! May girl siyang kayakap and kasayaw!!!"

White Transvestite laughed and said, "Hay naku bakla! Talo ka diyan! May keps yan, ikaw wala!"

Their group eventually backed off and JR then approached me, "Tangina, Bux! In-offeran ba naman ako ng ten thousand para lang sumama daw sa room niya sa Sofitel. When I said no thanks he upped his offer to twenty thousand!! Kadiri!"

I pondered this, "Sayang, you could do a lot with twenty thousand..."

"ULOL!" JR answered eloquently.

A lot more happened after this, and I'll write about it in my next entry...