A Travellerspoint blog

Sep 2007

#34 Gumamela Street...

storm -17 °C

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I rarely talk about my mother. I always think about her, though. It's true.

I have mixed feelings about her. I know I love her. I love her because she's my mother and a son is supposed to love his mother, right?

Oftentimes, I dream about her, and when I wake up, my face is wet with my tears. In all my dreams about her, it seems I'm always apologizing to her. For disappointing her. For being what I am which she can never accept.

I have friends who have parents who have learned to accept their children's homosexuality. I don't know if my friends notice this, but I really don't feel better after hearing such stories about their supposed deeper connection for having revealed their life choice.

Naiinggit ako, I guess.

It's been almost five years since I've seen my whole family. Five years. Tangina, ang tagal na pala.

So why don't I go home, you ask?

Like I mentioned awhile ago, I have mixed feelings about my mother.

I love her but I also can't bear to see her anymore.

Recently, I just found out that she would never ever be able to accept me for who I am, as cliche as it may sound.

She is my mother and she can't acknowledge the fact that her youngest son is gay.

I guess I'm as stubborn as she is, because I can't accept a mother who won't accept me.

I don't hate her. But I guess we're both disappointed with each other.

I miss her. I miss being home and being taken cared of.

I miss the way we used to hug each other. I miss her voice. I miss her little quirks in the kitchen.

I miss her but I don't ever want to see her again.

I love her but I guess that's not enough.

Sorry, Ma. Ganito talaga ako.

P.S.

Why did I suddenly write about my mother? It's just that whenever I have a fight with a close friend of mine, or someone I love, I remember what she used to say to me, "It's only your family who will always truly be there for you."

Posted by callboi 8:45 AM Archived in Gay Travel | Philippines Comments (1)

She-ra's Scrumptious Sandwich...

R-18 po ito...

sunny -17 °C

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Monday Night:

I was busy reading emails when She-ra sat down on the empty station next to me. He was about fifteen minutes early for his 9PM shift.

He was quiet but he had a strange look on his face. And he was all flushed and breathing hard.

"Wassup?" I asked, innocently.

She-ra smiled, and then whispered, "I just had sex."

"And this is news? Makati ka pa sa higad na allergic sa caladryl," I replied, "it's rare when a day goes by without you having a booking."

"Bakla, iba ito. Two guys," She-ra whispered again.

"So? You've been in orgies involving forty people!" I said.

"Two guys who also happen to be from Exp****," She-ra added meaningfully, "aaaaaand, you know both of them! In fact, hihihi, you're quite close."

I gasp, "Huwaaat? Sino sila??? Spill spill spill!!!"

She-ra laughed deliciously, "Hahahaha! Eh sino pa ba kungdi si - - wait!"

He gave me a scrutinizing look, "Isusulat mo ba to sa blog mo??"

"Ano ba? How could you even ask me that?" I sound scandalized, "Of course ilalagay ko to sa blog ko!"

We both burst out laughing.

"Don't worry, I'll use codenames," I tell him.

"Hay naku! Your codenames are too easy to figure out!" She-ra blurts.

"Heller!!! Wala pa ngang nakakahula kung sino ka eh!" I reply.

"You'v got a point there, marse," he says.

He takes a deep breath and says:

"It was Delta and UA."

Yes, my three dear faithful readers, obviously, codenames po ang mga names na Delta and UA.

Okay, I admit, I didn't believe him immediately when he said he'd just had a threesome with those particular friends of mine.

You see, Delta and UA, well... their definitely gay. And people know their gay. In fact, UA is in a relationship.

Delta is single but was definitely a player. Delta was cuter than UA but both of them were definitely high in the looks department.

In fact, I had a little crush on Delta. Cute kasi ng round eyes niya, and I love his matangos na ilong.

Why am I describing them in such detail? She-ra assured me that they are not aware of my blog, and even if they were, wouldn't care to read this. They were pretty low in the brains department, you see.

But still, I couldn't immediately believe him because She-ra, well, he was a bit of a slut and I knew Delta and UA never fooled around with hookers (sorry She-ra! joke lang!!!). :)

"You want proof? Ask them!" She-ra said, gloatingly.

And later that day, I did. Delta denied it. UA was the one who, surprisingly enough, caved in and admitted it.

Anyway, back to She-ra.

"Nag-start siya last month pa. You know I've always had the hots for Delta, right?" he asked, "Flirt ako ng flirt sa kaniya. Ginugulo ko siya lagi sa station niya. Napansin na nga ako ni MNL-TS-E--- eh. Sabi niya masyado ko raw ginugulo si Delta."

She-ra continued, "Well, to make a long story short, he suddenly texted me kanina after endshift, asking me kung gusto ko dumaan sa pad niya."

I leaned in closer, "Bakit daw?"

"Yun nga ang tinanong ko. Sabi ba naman ng hitad R30 training daw sa room niya!" She-ra laughed incredulously.

"Eh bakit ko naman papalampasin devah?" he said, "gusto ko rin naman makita kung gaano kalaki ang client-specs ni Delta."

"Ohmagahd!" I say, kasi sobrang grabe talaga ang balitang ito.

"Pagdating ko dun, mga 10AM na. At nagsasampay ng nilabhan si Delta. He was just wearing sando and shorts," She-ra noted, "and still he looked good enough to eat. Literally."

NAKUP! As She-ra was talking animatedly, I saw someone come out from the pantry and looked to be heading towards my station.

SI DELTA!!!

"Wag kang lilingon pero papunta rito si Delta," I said acting calmly, "kunyari kinukuwento mo sa akin yung tungkol sa cheerdance."

She-ra nodded and didn't look panicked at all. Sanay ang bruha sa eskandalo, I guess.

"So yun nga, ayaw ko na sumali sa cheerdance kasi... ay! Hello Delta!" She-ra said, pretending to just have noticed Delta.

"Hi!" says Delta, and in fairness, di siya mukhang kabado rin, "Nakita niyo si UA?"

I had several witty comebacks in my mind but I settled for, "Um, nasa yosi area siya, di mo ba nakita dun?"

"Ay baka nga. Di ko tsinek dun eh," says Delta, already walking away.

When he was ten feet away, She-ra continued on without missing a beat.

"Malapit na ako mag-log-in so ito na," he said rushingly, "we went inside and UA was there, sleeping on the sofa. What he was doing therein Delta's pad, I dunno. Delta didn't wake him up but instead dragged me to his room."

I wasn't breathing at all at this point.

"We did the bad thing twice already when UA walked in on us doing the bad thing on the floor," She-ra whispered seductively.

"Taaaaapoooos?" I asked.

"Sabi niya, sana ginising niyo ako kanina pa. And then he joined us," She-ra laughed, standing up and leaving me with my mouth open.

OMG. OMG. OMG.

Posted by callboi 11:21 AM Archived in Gay Travel | Philippines Comments (2)

MNL-watching in the pantry...

with a special cameo appearance by TS-Amorsolo...

rain -17 °C

movie.jpg

1st Break: Pantry: 1230AM

We are seated on the high chairs, in the middle of the long communal table, people-watching...

I sip my hot choco, "Look at that girl, may hikaw sa ilong. Nakakatakot."

"Look at that other guy, receding ang hairline niya. Mas nakakatakot," shudders Amorsolo.

"Tignan mo yung babae sa dulo ng table, kamukha ni MNLM------! Nakakaawa naman siya," I point out.

"You are so judgmental! Uy, tignan mo si TS-MNL----," Amorsolo whispers, "Mukhang buntis!"

"Sana nga buntis..." I comment, as I hated her guts.

A certain TM walks by....

"Feeling ko like niya rin ako. Ahihihihi!" Amorsolo giggles, parang dinidilaan ng tutang balbon ang puwit.

"And bakit mo naman nasabi yan?" I ask, one eyebrow raised.

"Eeeeeh. Lagi ko siyang nahuhuling tumitingin sa akin eh..." Amorsolo gushes.

"Baka inggit sa pagkaka-thread ng eyebrows mo," I mutter softly to myself.

"Hano yoooon?" Amorsolo asks.

"Wala. Sabi ko ang liit-liit ng pores mo," I retort.

Silence as we try and eavesdrop on other people's conversations in the other table.

"Tignan mo iyung agent na nag-papainit ng food," Amorsolo points discreetly.

"O? Agent ni TS-MNL-- siya. Wassup with him?" I ask, curious.

"Bading siya," he replies matter-of-factly.

"Really? Mukha siyang straight for me," I comment.

"Eh sira naman gay-dar mo eh! Si Pumpkin nga eh akala mo straight! Dios mio!" Amorsolo points out.

"Fine!" I say.

"Ops ops, andyan si ex-BFF mo," he whispers.

"So?" I ask, all blase'.

"So so so ka diyan!" Amorsolo laughs.

"Eh ano gusto mong gawin ko? Kumanta ng "You've got a friend?" at mag-saboy ng bulaklak sa dadaanan niya?" I rant.

"Beks, masyado ka defensive," he says, smirking.

"Anyways, may cute daw na nurse sa baba. Kaso temp lang siya. Reliever daw," Amorsolo reports.

"Nakita ko na. Ok lang. Pero according kay MNLAgent, straight daw kasi may asawa't anak," I reply.

"Eh ano ngayon kung may buena familia? Si Jun Encarnacion nga eh...." he says.

"Pero mukha nga straight yung guy para sa akin kasi masyadong bading ang dating nya. Meaning to say, he's too gay to be actually gay! Nakita mo ba yung malaking diamanteng hikaw niya?" I ask, "No self-respecting gay guy would wear that."

"Baka jologs siya na bading," Amorsolo ponders.

"Hmmm... pwede rin. Beks, nakakita ka na ba ng hip-hop na bading?" I ask.

"Wala pa. Si baklitang MNLDD ba hip-hop?" he asks.

"Hindi hip-hop yun! Baduy lang siya," I reply.

"Honga. Bitchera pa siya eh mukha naman siyang spawn ng snail and horse," he says, laughing.

"Honga!" I agree.

"Overbreak ka na," Amorsolo points out.

"Tara na," I say.

"Sabay tayo lunch?" he asks.

"Ano pa nga ba?" I say, while stepping out of the pantry and into the world of MNL's...

Posted by callboi 1:35 PM Archived in Gay Travel | Philippines Comments (3)

Why do I do the stupidest things?

storm -17 °C

raindrops.jpg

It's because I don't want to get hurt. And when I get hurt, I withdraw.

Because, suddenly, I realize I've given them the power to hurt me. And I shouldn't have trusted them if they didn't trust me.

I love them but sometimes I ask if the feeling is mutual. Some of them are even scared of me.

People tell me I'm surrounded by friends. Then why oh why do I feel so alone?

Basta, never again. You hear me? Never again.

Posted by callboi 10:01 AM Archived in Gay Travel | Philippines Comments (2)

I walked under a bus...Sinagasaan ng train...

And I know you know this song...

storm -17 °C

closer.jpg

Dan: You think love is simple. You think the heart is like a diagram.
Larry: Have you ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood! Go fuck yourself! You writer! You liar!

- From "Closer"

Have you guys seen the movie "Closer"?

I saw it last Friday. I liked it. I really liked it. I didn't love it, though. It showed too much of the truth for me and I don't want to realize that I can somewhat relate to the characters. It was somewhat too painful to watch. Really. For me, anyway.

This is the movie's tagline, by the way: If you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking... Ang taray di bah?!

The movie's about this four people. It starts with how Dan (Jude Law) meets Alice (Natalie Portman). They are walking down a busy street, smiling at each other. Sa kalandian ni Alice, nasagasaan tuloy siya ng car.

But apparently, she's stronger than she looks as she just attains minor injuries which she seems to just shrug off. It could be the director wanted to show the audience that physical pain is nothing compared to the emotional pain Alice is about to endure in her life.

In any case, the two fall in love and end up together. Their dialogue with each other can sometimes be so mundane as to be utterly romantic and flirtatious.

Take a look below:

Dan: Didn't fancy my sandwiches?
Alice: Don't eat fish.
Dan: Why not?
Alice: Fish piss in the sea.
Dan: So do children.
Alice: Don't eat children either.

or this one...

Dan: What were you doing in New York?
Alice: You know...
Dan: Well no, I don't. What, were you studying?
Alice: Stripping.
Alice: [Dan looks shocked] Look at your little eyes...
Dan: I can't see my little eyes

Meanwhile, Anna (Julia Roberts) is a talented photographer who ends up taking Dan's photo. There is instant attraction between the two of them.

Take a look at this conversation between them during the first time they met:

Dan: Do you have any children?
Anna: No.
Dan: Would you like some?
Anna: Yes, but not today.

It's so simple and sharp.

I'm not gonna tell the whole story. Eventually, all of them end up cheating with each other. It's kinda like Melrose Place, only better.

Anna: We do everything that people who have sex do!
Larry: Do you enjoy sucking him off?
Anna: Yes!
Larry: You like his cock?
Anna: I love it!
Larry: You like him coming in your face?
Anna: Yes!
Larry: What does it taste like?
Anna: It tastes like you but sweeter!
Larry: That's the spirit. Thank you. Thank you for your honesty. Now fuck off and die, you fucked up slag.

I wanted to look away from the bluntness. The honesty. But I couldn't.

As Larry says, "It's because I'm a fucking lunatic."

Posted by callboi 4:23 AM Archived in Gay Travel | Philippines Comments (0)

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