Sep 2007

Once a year, I get sick. Coughs, cold, fever, all in one hit. I actually thought I would get by this year without getting sick, but alas, I thought wrong.

As I am writing this, my nose is leaking, my head is pounding and my throat is itchy.

Being sick brings out the pathetic whiny bitch in me.

So forgive me for not being little Ms. Cheerleader today.

I hate hate hate being sick.

This is what I get for running around in the rain with Amorsolo in Salcedo Park.

I don't know if it's the rain pouring outside, or maybe I've been hanging out way too much with Amorsolo...

but lately, I've been longing for... ummm... that thing, you know. The one all girls and gay guys desire. You know! That THING!

No, not that, bastos mo naman eh. I want a boyfriend!

There. I said it. Haaay.

I mean, Christmas is fast approaching, and worse, so is my birthday.

I don't want to be all alone again when those times come.

I know you know how hard it is sometimes to be "loveless".

Sometimes, when I'm in the mall alone, or even in the bus, and I see couples making PDA with each other, I have this urge to pull out a gun and just shoot them in the heads. And then shout out, "Oh! Yan! Sige sige! Maglandian pa kayo mga *$@+=&@ kayo!!!

Nakakainis eh! Parang pinamumukha pa sa akin na single talaga ako.

But, of course, that's just the Bitter Ocampo in me talking.

Why am I single?

The first reason that comes to my mind is my looks. Now before you go spouting out shitty lines like "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", I'll have to ask you to shut up.

Look, I know how I look. I see myself in the mirror everyday. I'm fat and my nose is big. And yes, dammit, I have low self-esteem, but I've gotten used to it. My low self-esteem has become almost like a pet dog to me.

But then, there are friends and people who tell me, "Bookie, ano ba? Cute ka kaya!"

Fine. Kung cute ako, eh di dapat na-discover na ako ng Star Cinema?

And FYI, I am not going into a pool of self-pity. I just know the truth. I guess there is some semblance of cuteness somewhere in the quagmire of flesh that is my face. But it's not enough. As dumb blonde-ish as it may sound, I want to be gorgeous! As in Tyra's Top Model or Janice Dickinson's Model gorgeous! (Pagbigyan mo na ako, Lord)

That's why I often tell my close friends that as soon as I earn tons of money, I would probably get plastic surgery to fix up my nose. Shallow as it may sound, it's how I really feel. I'm just being honest.

This is an open letter to JR, whom I entrusted with one of my biggest secrets...

Dear JR,

I guess I trusted you enough to tell you THE secret (inside the pantry, of all places).

You know I would die if ever the "secret" found out.

I'm kinda scared I told you about it.

A month ago, I thought you were the last person I would tell you about this secret.

So we're friends now, I guess. Because I only tell secrets to my closest friends.

And you did nothing wrong. Really.

This was, unmistakably, one of the most harrowing weeks ever.

It just seemed to go on forever and ever!

First, I couldn't do much in regards to my productivity in the email team because there was no freaking queue. Just when I was in the mood to become Erep Excellence Awardee... chos!

Second, I couldn't stop listening to the soundtrack of Hairspray! I couldn't get it out of my head. I actually had visions of me looking like Michelle Pfeiffer and singing "The Legend of Ms. Baltimore Crabs" across the Ops floor. (Imagine Gian singing ala Tracy Turnblad!) I luuuurrrvvve it.

Third, kept getting distracted by Number One. He's this guy on the floor na ultra-hot. Amorsolo just drools everytime he comes near. Kasi naman ang ganda ng body ng lolo niyo! At ang sikip ng shirts, cheynkyu po!

Fourth, I had two failing QA scores just because I was, ehem, lazy. Ay sorreh naman!

Fifth, may client visit. Si Marseng Deb P**ter who apparently is QA something ng Exp****. Basta mataas ang position niya! And now we're supposed to clean up our stations just because of her? Que horror! (although, I have noticed a definite slump in the implementation of the EOP thing. Umaariba ang tagalog at bisaya sa floor. Parang Linggo ng Wika)

Sixth, am not sure what to do this weekend. I have several invitations and unless I can perform some sort of spell to multiply my awesome physique, I'm sure a lot of people will be pissed that I couldn't go to all of them. We were supposed to go to God's Kitchen, but then me and my friends decided nah, waste of time (uuuy! issue!)

Seventh, I received a text from She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Kalokah. As if magrereply ako sa iyo. Neknek mo. Hindi ako galit. Just disappointed. and yes, maybe galit. I'm complicated, what can I say.

Eighth, a good friend of mine, let's call him JR, invited me to go to Cebu with him sa Saturday. Wish ko laaaang! May pasok ako sa Sunday. And as some of you may not know, never ever pa ako nakasakay ng airplane. Isn't that a hoot?! A travel agent who's only gone as far as Puerto Galera and Baguio. Sana dalhan ako ni JR ng maraming pasalubong (hint hint!)

Ninth, si Paris! Nakakaloka ang mood swings and attitude problem sa floor! Nahahalata na ng lahat!

Tenth, miss ko na si Sup! Even though Agent and him are no longer together, we've remained good friends. I just miss having Sup to talk to everyday.

Eleventh, all week long I've wanted to get drunk. Miss ko na ang uber-sosyal kong favorite drink na Red Horse. Why sosyal, you ask? I drink it using a straw (antaray!!!).

And last but not the least, the twelfth. The twelfth is Sunshine. Siya ang pinaka-nakakahaggard sa lahat. Pakshet.

Thank you good night auf wiedershin and salamat po! See you next week!

I'm closing the door on you. I'm tired of it all.

I guess you realized this, too.

It was exhausting trying to be angry at you.

I just couldn't, somehow. Not even with all the things you said and did.

Stupid old me.

I just won't care anymore.

It's not impossible.

I've done it before.

I never thought it would end this way.

Ingat ka.