Sep 2007

"May nagtext na naman sa akin from G4M," says Jaki, taking a seat next to my station.

"Ano naman ang sabi this time?" I asked.

"Sex daw kami during lunch time," he says, sounding like an innocent grade school student.

"I never saw you as being the promiscuous type," I said to him.

"Hello bookie??? Di ko pinapatulan yung mga ganito noh?" Jaki answers indignantly, "besides, if I did, I would be too busy to do my coaching and verint sessions. Almost everyday yata ako nakakatanggap ng ganito. And most of them are indecent proposals."

"Wow. Faithful ka talaga kay Jiit," I commented.

"Hay naku. Ayaw ko na pag-usapan pa yung pandak na yun," Jaki breathes out.

"And why is that?" I ask.

"I'm tired of thinking of him," he replies, "He never should have left me for Japan, you know."

"Look, he needed a job and he has a life of his own," I pointed out, "I'm sure he's having a hard time being separated from you, too, you know."

"Eh bakit pa kasi dun siya nagtrabaho dun sa Ex niya?" Jaki says, pouting.

I don't have anything to say to that.

"Anyways, let's talk about something else," Jaki changes topics quickly, "Kayo na ba ni JR?"

I blurt out, "NGEK!!! Hello? We're just friends! He doesn't see me that way believe me. Besides, may dyowa na yung tao. And according to him, he's getting married na."

"Really? Alam ba nung girlash na girlash din yung BF niya?" Jaki asks, curious.

"As far as I know, yes, and she's perfectly fine with it," I reply.

"Weeeird," says Jaki.

"It's love, I guess," I answer.

My friend Jules forced me to ride the MRT the other day. I say "forced" because, if you know me, I really don't like crowded places.

To make things worse, we were to ride it in the middle of the day, accompanied by the blasted heat.

"Tell me again why I'm doing this," I grumbled to her, as I was being manhandled by the throng coming out of the nearest caboose.

Jules was all smiles; she loved seeing me uncomfortable, "Because you love me, cupcake. And because I promised to treat you to lunch just as soon as I buy my own copy of Wicked."

I snorted. This better be a damn good lunch she's buying me. I, of course, offered to pay for a cab but she wouldn't hear of it.

"Taxi? Por que? Eh ang dali lang mag-MRT papuntang Glorietta!" she argued.

I never could defeat her in a debate.

We were finally able to get inside the train and sure enough, it was jam-packed. Somebody's elbow was digging into my back. I innocently bumped it away.

"This place is so crowded I could get pregnant just walking around," Jules said casually.

"This place is so crowded that it defies the laws of time and space," I pointed out.

"Ooooh, look, may nag-P-PDA dun sa malapit sa exit," she pointed with her lips.

I took a look and sure enough, a man and a woman were nuzzling each other's necks right in front of everyone.

The two of us weren't the only ones staring at this "live show". I'd say about 90% of the people around us were watching them.

The couple seemed oblivious to the attention they were getting.

"Notice how the man seems to have a certain penchant for the lower part of her jaw," Jules commented.

"Notice how observant everyone in this part of the train seems to be getting," I replied.

I got bored with the hetero couple so I let my eyes wander around.

About fifteen feet away from me was this guy. He caught my attention because he was wearing a green jacket (green is my favorite color).

He wasn't particularly good-looking but he definitely had something. Anlakas ng dating, as the local folks would say.

He carried himself with a certain confidence that made every other guy around him seem like a wuss, and yet, he didn't seem arrogant.

I elbowed Jules and pointed out the guy with my snout.

"Waddyathink?" I asked her.

Jules stared at the guy, "He looks fairly edible."

I giggled, "That's all you can say?"

"What else do you want me to say? That he could be the one for you? That I think you two would be perfect for each other?" Jules asked, "Besides, how do you know if he's gay?"

"Hello? He dresses too well to be straight," I replied.

"That's it?" she asked.

"Plus, look at his shoes, their white Chucks," I pointed, "Their the preferred choice of discreet gay guys."

Jules snorted.

"Well, I think he's straight," said Jules.

Our train reached the Glorietta stop and we got ready to go out.

Just then, Cute Guy was approached by somebody near him. Another cute guy.

They kissed. Said goodbye to each other.

Cute Guy got out of the train, quickly followed by Jules and I. The other cute guy stayed inside the train.

I looked at Jules, smirking.

"Sabi ko nga di ba? Bakla siya," Jules laughed.

"Ay sus! Nagbago bigla!" I said.

"Just remember who's buying you lunch, sweetheart," she poked me.

"Yeah yeah..."

I have often felt that without my friends, I am nothing.

But as one wise Trainer told me a year ago, "Friends come and go."

I've never quite believed that, you know.

Friendship should be forever.

Trust, on the other hand, is as fragile as an egg.

Where do you cross the line in tolerating someone and just being a plain old doormat?

Friendship should be forever, I always say.

But trust... trust is something else entirely.

I'm not perfect. But I'm not such a bad guy, either.

As I was sick and stuck to my bed the other night, I decided to tune in to the radio and listen to some songs.

I happened to chance upon Mellow 94.7's night program with some DJ named Marco and a forgettable female DJ.

The title of their show, I think, is "Secrets".

Basically, listeners are encouraged to text in their deepest darkest secrets, which the DJ's will read on air.

Naturally, I was curious.

Most of the text messages consisted of people cheating on their partners, and seemingly enjoying them (and giddy with excitement at the fact that their partners never found out).

One girl even texted this message:

"I had wild freaky sex with my boyfriend's bestfriend in my parent's bedroom."

Nietzsche was right! All men are inherently evil.

The freakiest secret for me was this one:

"I shared a night with my cousin. I was nine and he was fifteen."

It's amazing what one person can say when backed up with the strength and mask of anonymity.

"Labas tayo," says Cream Puff, while sitting on the floor of my living room, smoking.

I cough and sniff while lying on my sofa, "If you haven't noticed, I'm sick. Ang sakit ng ulo ko, sinisipon pa ako."

He puffs on his yosi, smiling, "The fresh air will do you some good. Besides, sayang ang rest day mo pag di ka gumimik man lang."

"Hindi naman ako mahilig gumimik eh," I respond.

Cream Puff laughs softly, blowing smoke in my direction.

"And besides, it's 2am. On a Monday night. Where in the world would we go?" I ask him, one eyebrow raised.

Cream Puff smiles.

We end up eating in this carinderia near EDSA Guadalupe.

"How do you even know about this place?" I ask, surprised. I couldn't imagine Cream Puff eating in such a dive.

Cream Puff looked at me askance, "I happen to like eating here. Plus, the ambiance is simply unique, don't you think?"

I laughed at this. The place was located near an overpass and a jeepney station. Even though it was an ungodly hour, there were still lots of people walking around and there were even some children playing patintero near us.

A jeepney waiting for passengers was loudly playing the song, "Dreams" by Gabrielle. The night was hot; it was a good thing the "resto" had a large industrial fan turned on.

"Pili ka ng kahit ano, sagot ko lahat to," says Cream Puff.

"Ang sosyal mo pala ha," I teased him.

We ate in silence for about ten minutes. He ordered a vile-looking dish of dinuguan, which was so black I could hardly see the nuggets of meat floating in it. I, of course, ordered sinigang.

We downed all of this with a large bottle of Mountain Dew.

After eating, we didn't immediately leave. Surprisingly, despite the heat, the crowd, and the dirty location, I found myself oddly at ease.

Cream Puff laughed softly, smoking yet again.

"What's so funny?" I asked him.

He looked at me, and hesitatingly said, "I never would have guessed that he was Sunshine, you know."

I remained silent.

"If I had known, I wouldn't have slept with him," Cream Puff said softly. He was brooding, staring at the cigarette on his hand.

I still didn't say anything.

"Galit ka ba?" he asked me.

I looked at him, "You think I would be here right now with you if I were angry at you?"

Cream Puff smiled, "Hindi siguro."

Silence.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" he asked me.

"If I told you, you think you really wouldn't have slept with him?" I asked him back.

He was quiet, thinking.

"I think I wouldn't have. I'm not sure, of course, but at least you should have given me that option," he said, grudgingly.

I sighed.

"Look, Sunshine is Sunshine. It's what he does best. I never resented him for that," I said, seriously but with a small smile on my lips, "And I certainly never hated or resented his sexual partners. It's who he is."

Cream Puff looked at me, sadly, "But it must have hurt, when I... when I told you that he and I..."

"Fucked? Is that it?" I asked, grinning.

He smiled.

"You were attracted to him, and vice versa," I told him, "So you and the love of my life had sex. So fucking what? If I'm mad, it doesn't make a fucking difference. It's done. You can't fucking take it back. And please don't say you're sorry. You didn't do anything morally wrong. I may be hurt but that's just my ego talking."

It started to rain.

I stopped talking. I took a cigarette and lit it.

"I thought you quit," he said.

Silence.

"I thought so, too..." I replied.