Sep 07

"You're being way too self-righteous, you know?" said Super, leaning his tall frame on a chair, "It's just drugs. It's not like I'm a mass murderer."

I scoffed, "Sus! Use up more of that stuff, and you might well turn out to be."

"Haller! I can control it naman no? Hindi ako addict," he smiles, "I just don't want to stop yet."

He laughed as I threw some chips at him.

"It's not funny. You're spending way too much and you can't effin' afford it," I said seriously, "Aminin mo, madami ka na nautangan dahil diyan sa bisyo mo noh?"

Super went all quiet and then said, "It's easy for you to say those things coz you're not hooked to it. Do you think I don't have an idea as to what I'm getting myself into?"

"Yun nga eh! Alam mo naman pala?! Bakit di ka pa tumigil?" I ask him, "Every weekend halos nag-gaganyan ka! You even told me na once you stole some drugs pa from your friends."

I added, "And you got fired from your job because ang dami mong absent."

He didn't answer. Just shrugged his shoulders and lit a cigarette.

"You're probably seeing me as one of those "uncool" people who just don't get the idea of how much fun it is," I continued, "How much it makes you happy having friends to do it with and how fabulous you think your new barkada is. Aba, mas gugustuhin kong magmukhang baduy kesa matulad sa inyo no."

"It's hard to see you like this," I said to him, "Sobrang nagbago ka na. You have mood swings and your health isn't improving."

I continued, "Do you even know what your so-called partee friends say about you? Do you know what rumors are spreading about you? I may be an intrusive and self-righteous person but I would never say those things to other people about you."

He was still not talking, but I could see he was crying.

"I can't believe you turned out to be someone who would find happiness in a pill," I added.

I kept quiet. I've been called "Mudra" before by some people because apparently I like to "meddle". Mas gugustuhin ko yatang matawag na pakialamero, but I still won't be a someone who let his friend destroy his life.

Super was a good friend of mine. I say "was" because today, we don't talk much anymore. He runs around with a different crowd.

And no, you don't know him. I think.

It was Salary Saturday and Amorsolo and I were in Glorietta that morning, shopping as usual.

"Hindi ba nakakahiya ang suot ko?" asked Amorsolo. He was wearing a plain brown shirt (which I knew he wore because it emphasized and showed his collar bone) and a simple pair of gray shorts. Footwear consisted of dirty-white havaiannas.

"Ok lang yan, marse. Ganyan daw pag mayaman; kebs na sa pag-aayos ng sarili pag humarap sa public eye," I answered, "Nasa pagdadala lang yan."

"Are you saying that I look like someone who's lost interest in looking fashionable?" he asked incredulously.

"Well, considering na mukha kang provincial P.E. teacher ng isang mababang paaralan..." I replied.

He punched my arm playfully and said, "Eeeeeeh!"

As is our usual habit when in the mall, we were checking out the meat market. Andaming cute nung umagang yun.

"Remember, we have to meet Agent later sa cinema," I reminded Amorsolo.

Amorsolo nodded and then pointed at the escalator, "Tignan mo yung tayo nung baklita! Parang tanga!"

I burst out laughing when I saw the guy. His arms were spread out wide and holding the bannisters and his legs were crossed. I think he noticed that he was the object of our ridicule, which made me feel bad, so I pushed Amorsolo up the other escalator.

We met Agent in front of the ticket booths and we continued with our shopping.

We decided to check out what's new in Zara.

I saw a fabulous looking knit green jacket. I asked Agent to model it for me.

"Bookie, it's worth P4000!" he exclaimed.

"I know I know!" I said, exasperated.

Amorsolo taunted me, "Honey, not only can it not fit you, you can't afford it either."

I pouted, "Payn payn pakshit ka."

I saw several other items in the mall which couldn't fit me and couldn't be afforded by my meager salary.

Agent then asked if we could go up to buy Orange Julius.

I agreed only if he bought me one, too, as I had never tried that drink.

He ok'd and so we went up.

We got to the Dairy Queen area and Agent made the orders. Amorsolo declined Agent's free drink.

And then...

"Ohmahgawd Buquiiiiir! Tignan mo kung sino yung cashier!" Amorsolo stage-whispered to me, elbowing me in the tummy.

I looked and saw a thin guy who was about 85% cute and 15% scrawny. I didn't recognize him and I thought Amorsolo may have been pointing to someone else. I looked around but no one was there.

I was about to ask him what he meant when I noticed the name tag of the Dairy Queen's cashier guy.

It said "Hi! I'm Migs!"

Migs. Migs. MIGS?!?!

"Oh my God! You're *****'s friend!" I pointed and said to Migs.

Migs smiled awkwardly and continued cashing in our order.

"Do you remember me? You fed us horse meat for pulutan!" I asked him.

Flashback Moment:

ZooWan, Amorsolo and I, drinking some foul drink and trying out tapang kabayo for the first time in the garage of a delapidated apartment where a friend of ours lived, and then drunkenly playing "I Wanna Be A Tutubi".

Back to the Future:

"Do you remember me? You fed us horse meat for pulutan!" I asked him.

"Oo naman," Migs replied, shyly.

"How's Dayanara?" I asked, referring to my friend's ex.

"Ok naman siya," he responded quietly.

And then, I realized why Amorsolo was looking so awkward and tense. Everything came crashing back.

"Ohmygod! You and Amorsolo kissed back then!" I nearly shouted.

Amorsolo, Migs, and Agent were looking at me and the first two were blushing.

I couldn't help myself. It just came out. I couldn't stop my mouth. Pasensya na!!!

Agent was trying to pull me away to prevent further embarrassment for all parties involved. Andulas talaga ng dila ko.

And then I remembered some more...

"You two almost did it! You brought him home to your apartment with Zoowan and me!" I reminisced loudly.

They were laughing but still looking utterly embarrassed.

"I remember everything..." I finished. I remembered it all. That night. Haaay!

Later on, after we left...

"I canNOT believe you!" Amorsolo was flushed at his meeting Migs.

"Did you go all the way with that guy?" I asked.

"Of course not!" Amorsolo was blushing again, "Pero in fairness, mas cute si Migs ngayon ano?"

I nodded, "Definitely cleaner."

Amorsolo was lost in his thoughts...

And I was lost in remembrance of that night....

Pansin ko lang ha? Nauuso masyado ang drama sa blog ko at sa mga blog ng ibang tao (uy! issue!).

Well, I say enough with the drama! Life is short! Carpe Diem and all that shit.

I decided to make a list of the things that I should be happy about.

1) Finally, finally, finally na-oover na ako kay Sunshine. Sana ma-over na rin yung isa, ahehehe.

2) Malapit na ang Bacolod Trip.

3) I have two new books to read, "Of Smoke and Mirrors" by Neil Gaiman, and "Midnight for Charlie Bone" by Jenny Nimmo.

4) I'm going DVD-shopping with Megario this Saturday.

5) Julienne just gave me her five-page critique of my finally-finished play and to quote her, "it's fresh and funny. Definitely something I would want to read while sitting on the toilet." So, I think that's good. I hope.

6) According to JR, sasama na raw siya sa Bacolod Trip. Sana naman.

7) Nagkaroon ako ng private moment with McNuggets nung isang araw. Haaaay. Super kilig. As in. Kaso sinira ni Amorsolo. Hmpf!

8) Jen just agreed to let me borrow her digicam for the Bacolod Trip. I'm gonna be the fattest cam-whore ever! Kelangan bawat moment may photo-documentation! There will be a lot of firsts in this trip. First time in a plane. First time to eat in a place that can't be reached by ground transportation. First time makatikim ng Ilonggo, ahwekhwekhwek.

9) I just found out na heartbroken na naman yung taong kinamumuhian ko. Hay. Ika nga ni Papa Justin Timberlake, "What goes around, comes around..."

10) Again! Over na ako kay Sunshine! Wahoooo!

Just wanted to take a moment to wish a truly happy birthday to one of the people who's definitely made a significant impact on my life.

Do you remember once I said to you that when we grow old, and we're still single (hopefully not ), we should live in the same house and just spend the rest of our lives with our other friends? I hope you do...

Though we're not as close as we were before, though we don't swim in the same circles, though our interests may differ, I hope you know that you are still someone I love and trust.

And I wish that I could be a better friend to you.

Happy birthday Marty! Hope life will always be interesting for you...

"Excited na ako sa bakasyon natin," I say, while reading my horoscope on Yahoo.

"Ako man," says Sporty, "Although may halong kaba."

"Kaba?" I curiously ask, "Bakit may ganung issue?"

"Wala lang. Walang issue..." says Sporty, twirling his ID lace, "Alam mo na... si Ginger kasi."

"Hay naku, wag mo na isipin yun. You and Ginger are cool," I wave off his worries, "Besides, you know naman na your opinion is his bible. Sayang nga lang na di kasama si Jiit. Eh di sana masaya lalo ang Ginger. Pauwiin kaya natin siya from Japan?"

Sporty stays quiet.

"Tsaka hindi dapat siya ang isipin mo. Dapat si Posh," I admonish.

"Of course naman! Mahal ko si Posh no," he replies.

"I know you do," I answer back.

I chew on my fingernails, "Hoist, kami ni Scary ang magkatabi sa kama ha! Ayaw ko katabi si Ginger, feeling ko malikot yun."

"Basta siyempre katabi ko si Posh," he says.

"But of course!" I reply, "Wait, isang kuwarto lang ba tayo?"

"May chance," Sporty answers.

"Hala! Patay kayo," I warn him, "Anlakas ko kaya humilik. Para akong tricycle na luma."

Sporty still remains silent.

"Honey, what's wrong ba?" I ask.

He smiles at me. Shakes his head. Then says, "Nothing. I'm sure everything will be great."

Haaay. Nakaka-excite ang mga pangyayari. Isama ko kaya si JR?

Brian: C'mon, Mikey, let's fly...like in all those comic books. I'm Superman. I'll show you the world!
Michael: Why am I always Lois Lane?

- Queer as Folk

Dear Mr. Kinney,

Forgive the intrusion. Just wanted to make sure everything's cool.

By the way, I didn't say "stay away from him". I would never say that, really.

I said, "Maghanap ka na lang ng iba". I have a photographic memory when it comes to the idiotic things that come out of my mouth, ahehehe.

It was not a threat nor a tease. It was more of a friendly advise. I guess I really have been a shitty friend if you can think that I would ever threaten you. Do you really think I can do such a thing?

It was just that... well, I really can't say what. Their secret is my secret, as is yours.

But believe me, I didn't have any bad intentions in saying that. Nor was I meddling. How can you even think that of me?

Come to think of it, it was an entirely stupid thing to say. You're a big boy. You can make your own decisions. Sorry about that.

Kasi, I was thinking of Paris. You know Paris, right? Paris was my friend waaay before you. And he kinda... well, I'm sure you know how he feels about your new guy.

Nevermind. Do you know that after our conversation, I slept for fifteen hours straight? I really didn't want to wake up and remember what we talked about. It kinda hurt. No. It really hurt.

If you like this new guy, then go for it.

I wish you luck and happiness.

You know that I only want you to be happy. Good luck, Mr. Kinney.

In fairness, bagay kayo. He's a nice guy. And so are you.

Hope we really are cool. Still can't believe we had that kind of conversation the other day. You didn't sound like you at all. For a minute there, I thought I was chatting with a perfect stranger.

Ingat ka, Mr. Kinney. Hope everything's okay with Ashley... I really do.

Sincerely,

M. Novotny

She-ra and I were in a club in Makati the other day.

"Ay ang saya! Eighties night! Purrrrr-fect!" She-ra shrieks as we entered the club. Ganado ang lola niyo, may na-idagdag na naman yata siya sa collection niya ng mga boylets.

"I love the eighties and all, pero di ba mahahalata na may idad na tayo dahil we like this kind of muzak?" I ask loudly, so I could be heard over the house mix of "I Touch Myself" by The Divinyls. I had no idea who the DJ was.

She-ra was dancing and pushing her way through the crowd straight to the bar, with me tagging along behind him.

"Honey, no one inside this place cares how old we are," She-ra says, ordering two Cosmopolitans, "What matters is that the music is good and so are the men!"

I surveyed the crowd and saw no one I knew. I gulped my drink and ordered another one.

She-ra looked at me and asked, "Uhaw?"

"Slight," I said, "Well, actually, nervous lang."

"Nervous?" She-ra asked, whilst dancing like a possessed blender, "Why in the world?"

"Eh kasi baka makita ko si Bleep at si Bleep," I said, looking around.

"Sooo? What can they do to you?" She-ra asked.

"They aren't going to do anything to me, of course. It's just that ayaw ko ng awkward moments," I said, lighting a cigarette, "this is more their place than mine."

She-ra snorted and proceeded to flirt with some guy in a black leather jacket with matching black leather pants.

I just enjoyed my drink and the music. By this time the song had changed to Sheena Easton's "Telefone".

After fifteen minutes or so, She-ra asked me my opinion, "Whaddyathink? Cute siya di ba?"

I gave Leather Guy a look-see, "Hmmm... he's okay. Pero leather all over? In this heat? Ambaho na niya sigurado."

"Huh... you have a point, bakla. Well," She-ra wipes his hands, "I guess I'll have a look at what else is on the menu."

With that, he proceeded to the comfort room.

Kaya niya akong iwan na mag-isa eh, I thought to myself.

I sat down next to a couple who seemed to be trying to eat each other's face.

Eto ang ayaw ko sa mga ganitong eksena eh. I often feel left out and out of place.

At least astig talaga ang sounds. "Take on Me" na ang tumutugtog.

And then, whilst I was drinking my Cosmo and smoking my lite, a God walked by...

He was as tall as I am, fair-skinned, medium-built, long-haired, and brooding. He was alone. He was smoking a cigarette. And he looked just as out-of-place as I was.

He ordered a beer and just stood in a corner, looking at the floor.

He was definitely a looker. The fags were already eyeing him, like a delectable piece of cake.

But he didn't seem interested in anyone.

She-ra chose this moment to come back from wherevere the fuck he went.

"Marseee! Parang may isang trak ng hotdog ang sumabog sa CR! Dyosko! Nagkalat ang schubligs!!!" She-ra whispered in my ear.

He noticed that I wasn't paying much attention to him and looked in the direction I was looking.

He spotted Brooding Guy in the corner.

"Just what the doctor ordered..." he murmured, and casually approached the guy before I could stop him.

He went up to Brooding Guy, whispered in his ear. Brooding Guy said something and She-ra laughed. And walked back to me.

She-ra sat next to me on the couch and lit a cigarette.

He didn't say anything.

"Well? What did you say to him? What did he say to you?" I prodded him.

She-ra looked at me and said innocently, "Sinoooo?"

"Argh! Ano ba? Yung cutie dun sa corner!" I poked his biceps.

"Aaaah," She-ra replied, " I asked him , are you alone or are you with somebody else?"

"Anong sabi?" I asked.

She-ra giggled, "Sabi niya, No, aym nat alown, my laber downstairs. Ume-ehe."

Pakshit. Turn-off.

There I was, lying on my bed on a Saturday night, crying my eyes out, when suddenly...

POOF!!!

My Fairy Godmother, Carrie Bradshaw, appears out of thin air in a cloud of pink dust!

"Hey hey mga marseeeh!!!" she shouts, smiling that million-dollar smile of hers, and twirling in her fabulous haute couture fluffy gown.

I wipe my eyes and squint at her, "Ate Carrie, is that you?"

"Why, of course, honey, it's me! I heard from the fashion grapevine that you were having trouble down here," she says plopping herself next to me on my futon, "so I just poofed myself here to make sure you're ok."

I was touched, "Oh Ate Carrie, I'm just so depressed all the time!"

Ate Carrie was fixing the straps of her Manolo Blahnik's, whilst listening to my plea, "Honey, I hear you. But I don't understand you. Why art thou so sad?"

"I have too many issues with my friends. I'm fat. I'm single. And my career is going nowhere!!! Waaaah!" I whimper and cry.

"Not to mention, you complain and whine a lot, I see," she quips, which makes me cry harder.

"Honey, the thing is, nobody likes a whiner, so first things first! Stop all that racket you're making," she tells me sternly, wiping my tears with an Hermes scarf.

"Second, you say you have issues with your friends? Who fuckin' doesn't?" she says, while lighting a cigarette, "The degree of love you have for a friend is shown by how badly you feel when you have a fight with them. You feel pretty bad right? Then that means you must really love them."

"I'm just scared I might lose them forever," I sniff.

Ate Carrie laughs at this, while spraying the stale air in my room with her signature perfume, "Lovely".

"Honey, if they are your friends, nothing would change. You may not talk all the time with each other, you may not look as if you care for each other, but deep inside, you know everything's ok and that you'd still do everything for them, just to make them happy, right?" Ate Carrie says to me softly.

"Now, the thing about you being fat. Get over it. If you want to be slim, go on a diet. But honestly, I think you look fine as it is, although you do need a shave," she quips, "Being slim doesn't make someone better, you know. And people like you not for your looks but for who you are. Forgive me for sounding like a Hallmark Card."

"Hokay," I reply, feeling better already.

"What was the other thing you were bleating about? Oh, right, you being single," she lights another cigarette, "well, honey, I can't help you there. I'm just a figment of your imagination; I'm not God."

"But I know that you know deep in your heart that there is someone out there for you," she says softly, "just be patient. And by the way, don't raise your standards too much. Di ka ganooon ka-ganda, kaya wag kang mag-feeling!"

"Now, last one, your career. Sad to say but, I think it's about time you moved on from that call center you work for," she says, shaking her abundant golden hair, "Let's admit it, at this point, you're just waiting for your 13th month pay and 5th year batch-anniversary, ain't yah?"

I smile. She's right, I think to myself.

"So, enough with the blues! Go out, get drunk, or better yet: get laid!" Ate Carrie pulls me up and spritzes my face with Evian, "You're still young! Life has so much to offer you still!"

"And don't forget! You may be fat! You may be single! But you're definitely smarter than the average faggot!" she says kindly.

And with those final words, she twirls, disappears, and leaves behind a faint smell of cigarettes and perfume...

I found out something today that made me very very very sad. As in.

I can't tell you what it is. It hurts to even think about it, not to mention it's very embarrassing and truly humbling.

I realized that people around me, especially my friends, think of me differently than before.

I guess I have changed. Done a lot of stupid mistakes. Had one quarrel too many.

I've always said, "You'll like me better if you don't know who I really am."

I'm sorry, okay?

Believe it or not, I've never spoken ill of any of my closest friends. Not intentionally anyway.

I hope the same goes for them.

I may not be okay with most of them but I do miss them. I really really do.

Even though I don't think I could ever talk to them again.

Both parties would agree things have gone way past the fixing and making up stage.

Sad, no?

Sorry sa drama.

Coming soon to a blog near you...

"Callboi goes to Bacolod!"

Abangan ang susunod na kabanata...