Aug 2007

His username in Friendster is -PROMISCUOUS-. Nothing could be farther from the truth.

Though I may not agree with his choice of label in Friendster, I certainly admire his moral compass.

Marco has taught me a lot. Although, hindi lahat ng naturo nya sa akin ay sinusunod ko kasi medyo haggard yung iba.

Did you know that this guy has his own personal stalker in Friendster? Haba ng hair ng lolo niyo!

This is Jze (pronounced Jay-zee).

He is possibly my most attractive friend.

He has lots of admirers, some of which have gone all crazy for him. He has several restraining orders against the lot of them.

Kawawa ang mga baklang hitad na nagkagusto sa kaniya kasi, Jze is already in a relationship. They have been together for almost five years. So who says gay men can't be monogamous? ehem... ehem...

Marion is also another one of my cutie friends. Mabenta rin sya sa maraming tao.

Too bad for them because his heart belongs to Liit.

Marion is my most malambing na friend. He gives out hugs like a Care Bear.

He is also mostly oblivious to the feelings of others for him. Manhid ang lolo niyo. I guess this makes him more attractive...

This is Jem. I really don't know her that much. But I love her.

She drives like a madman. She sings videoke like there's no tomorrow.

And she is very protective of her friends. Gotta love that about her.

Carl is like my alaga. By that I don't mean he's my pet or something.

Ako ang stage mother niya. He comes to me for advise and vice versa.

For a young guy, he certainly has gone through a lot already.

He can be both mature and immature at the same time. He is one of the two people whom I trust the most.

And yes, mabenta rin siya. Actually, come to think about it, almost all my friends are attractive.

Hmmm... kaya pala ambaba ng self-esteem ko, kasi mukha ako alalay or PA ng mga barkada ko. Haaay.

Last but not the least, si Potcholo.

Bestfriend ko ito. And I love him kahit paminsan sobrang gusto ko siya iprito ng buhay.

Pamatay ang mga linya nito. Meron siyang "Do NOT touch me! Baka magka-hematoma akoh!"

Along with Carl, I trust him above everyone else.

These guys are my friends. They are the reason I don't kill myself. They are the reason I find life interesting.

Because of them, I feel that life is just one big sitcom comedy...

"The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex. It's true. In fact, they say men think about sex every 28 seconds. Of course, that's straight men. Gay men it's every nine."

- Michael Novotne, Queer as Folk

I rarely go to Malate. I don't like the crowd, the noise, the heat, and did I mention the crowd?

Don't think I'm a snobbish guy who thinks he's better than everyone else. It's just that I'm really not into the whole Malate scene.

But then, once in a blue moon, like a sudden craving for pistachio ice cream, I get the urge to mingle with the native folk of Malate and drink and dance till the early light of morning.

It was a Saturday night, and like destiny calling, I got a text message from a friend of mine. Let's call him She-ra.

Wer u? Gmik tau. Malars. - She-ra

Hmmmm... It's only 9PM and already She-ra sounds (reads) drunk.

Okish, I text back at him, who else is coming?

Buong makati - replies She-ra.

What a bitch.

Anyway, She-ra and I decide to get some dinner first before we head out to Malate. At exactly 11PM, we met at Starbucks 6750.

I was sipping my white mocha latte when She-ra enters the cafe, looking like one of Janice Dickinson's models.

He spots me, waves, and then heads to the CR.

After five minutes, he comes back out and sits on the sofa next to my chair.

"Hay naku, bakla. Feeling ko andumi-dumi ko ngayon," She-ra says, while wiping his neatly manicured hands.

"Wassup?" I ask.

"Yung nyeta kasing unang taxi na sinakyan ko, nasiraan dyan sa may Buendia," he rants, while checking if there were any stains on his beige cream pants, "I had to make abang pa uli for another taxi!"

"Bakit ka naman madudumihan sa pag-iintay lang ng taxi?" I ask, confused.

"Eh kasi may nakita akong fishball vendor," She-ra answers shyly.

Silence.

"Aaaand? Ano? Sinex mo yung mamang fishball vendor?" I ask.

"Tah-nga! Nagutom ako, so kumain ako ng fishball habang nagiintay," She-ra confesses, chuckling.

After eating some of the jalapeno muffins, both of us grab a cab and head for Malate.

We decide to have a drink at this corner bar named Top and Bottom (or is it Top or Bottom?).

It's a great place to watch the Malate mutants walk by.

"Who are we waiting for anyway?" I ask.

She-ra laughs and says, "You might be surprised pero pupunta si Susie and Geno."

"Hu-waaat?" I shriek, "Bakit mo sila inimbitahan???"

"Ok, first of all, hindi ko sila ininvite," explains She-ra, while blowing smoke at my face, "I mentioned to them na magkikita tayo dito and they casually replied na papunta rin sila dito and maybe we could meet up."

I nearly choked on my Strong Ice. You see, Susie and Geno are two of my least favorite people. They are so annoying and condescending. Plus, ultra-addicts ang mga lola niyo. Eh may issue pa naman ako sa ganun.

And yes, dear readers, kilala niyo sila. Everyone knows them.

And speak of the devil, here they come.

They spot She-ra and I from afar.

Susie waves at us, his tall frame dwarfing everyone else, "Hey hey! Kamusta ang pinakamagagandang bakla sa Malate?"

Already my blood pressure is rising, "Funny, that's the same question I asked both your fathers last night."

Geno laughs derisively, "O, wag masyadong mainitin ang ulo, Bookie. Baka matunaw ang mga taba mo sa katawan."

Before I could retort, She-ra jumps in, "By the way, Geno, I had sex with that ex of yours. No wonder you couldn't stand him. Mas maluwag pa siya sa mga butas sa kalsada ng Ayala."

We all laugh. Believe it or not, I actually started having a good time. Even with Susie and Geno there. I guess having four bottles of Strong Ice in me helped a bit. I always thought I was more fun drunk than sober.

At around 1AM, after about 8 bottles for me (6 for She-ra), She-ra suggested we go to BED already. That night was my third time to go to BED, the haven of homosexual delight.

It was crowded as usual, but the music was absolutely awesome. Chicane's "Stoned in Love" was playing.

She-ra and I chose a spot in the second floor, near the ledge, over-looking the mosh pit of sweaty nubile bodies below.

We were dancing to the music when some guy approached She-ra, kissed him on the cheek, held his waist, and said, "Hey, I haven't seen you for the longest time!"

"I know! I've missed you sooo much! Where have you been?" She-ra shouted.

"Galing ako ng Singapore for a brief stint (or maybe it was stunt, by this time I was seriously tipsy and the music was sooo loud and good)," says Stranger.

"Well, see yah around, call me when you can," says She-ra, giving him a peck on the lips.

When Stranger left, I asked She-ra, "Who the hell was that?"

"I haven't the faintest idea..." She-ra looks on at his retreating figure, "parang kilala nya ako no?"

We both burst out laughing.

She-ra orders a couple of more drinks and then lo and behold, someone I know appears by my side.

"Bookie!!!"

Oh my God it's Paolo. He's this guy from work that has the body of a greek god, the face of an angel, and the effeminacy of Rey Pumaloy.

I had a small crush on this guy. Kaya lang mas bakla pa sa akin, eh.

"Paolo! Hi!", I reciprocate his hug. God, he is soooo sexy.

She-ra is glaring at me, mentally ordering me to introduce him to the demi-god beside me.

"Paolo, si She-ra. She-ra, si Paolo, taga-office rin sya," I say.

They shake hands and smile. Hmmm... may moment ang dalawang bakla.

Like the good friend that I am, I leave them alone, "Punta lang ako CR."

Instead of going to the CR, I order another drink, as I just guzzled the last one I had.

I see some other people I know by the bar, friends from the office, too.

I get a text message.

Alis muna kami ni Paolo ahihihi - She-ra

Ang bruhang yon! I think to myself.

By this time, I was too drunk to even care.

I get another text. Hmp, must be She-ra, baka magsosorry.

Where are u? Wanna hav breakfast?

- Mr. Frenemy

Patay kang bata ka. Walang tulugan nato...

"You walked down with me, back to the Jeep, and we were goofing, we were dancing. I kissed you, said 'later.' And then you turned around and smiled. Then I knew why Debbie calls you Sunshine."

- Brian Kinney, Queer as Folk

I've been single for quite some time now. In fact, it's been so long that I no longer remember how it feels to have someone beside you almost all the time.

I kinda miss having someone laugh at my jokes no matter how corny they are. I miss having that one person who is almost always happy to see you. I miss the comfortable silences.

My friend, Amorsolo, keeps ranting to me, "When will I get another boyfriend?"

And in turn, I keep telling him, "Patience is a virtue." At which point Amorsolo would then recount all the failed relationships he's ever had and how it wasn't his fault why it failed each and everytime.

Truth be told, I'm tired of being single. I've had a lot of problems lately and most of the times, I can't help but wish I had someone to help me deal with them.

Don't get me wrong, my friends are a big help to me and I would just die if I didn't have them.

But you know how a boyfriend or girlfriend can be different from friends.

Sometimes, when I talk to myself, which is pretty frequent (and makes me look crazy), I ask myself, "Why do you need a boyfriend? You're smart. You're capable. You have tons of friends. Having a boyfriend would just complicate things. You know how miserable you get to be once a relationship of yours ends."

A little voice inside my head whispers in response, "Maybe I like to complicate things. Maybe I'm addicted to the misery. Maybe, all the sadness and stress is worth the happiness you get when your special someone smiles at you or laughs with you or holds your hand or tells you that you look great, even though you know you don't."

Dear readers, you might ask, "Buquir, are you in love?"

Sadly, happily, I am.

You see, I have this problem of falling in love with close friends of mine... They show me the smallest amount of compassion and empathy... and my heart just melts.

I have tried curing myself of this handicap but I just can't.

And so, this time, Sunshine is the victim of my ultimately doomed feelings of love.

Sunshine is awfully sweet to me (which makes it harder for me to try and deny my feelings).

He has always watched out for me and has given me numerous advice (some of which I tend to disregard, ahihihi).

Sunshine, dear readers, is in love with someone else. And I do believe his love for that person is the real thing.

Don't get me wrong, I never wanted to be in a relationship with Sunshine. It's totally enough for me to be his friend.

But sometimes... sometimes, a "girl" can dream.

12AM August 19

I have decided to quit smoking.

Whether it's permanent, I haven't decided yet.

So, if you see me getting cranky, just ignore me.

Though I will still accompany my friends to the yosi area.

If I didn't, what else in the world am I gonna do during my breaks???

I can do this, I can do this...

Must resist all urge to strangle officemates...

Both of us are just sitting in a street corner, in the middle of the night.

"What are you thinking?" says Sunshine, the guy I have been pining after for months now.

"Nothing," I say.

He takes a puff from his yosi.

"Si Pumpkin pa rin ba iniisip mo?" he asks, scrutinizing me with his small eyes.

"Ngek. Hindi no." I punch his arm, "Over na ako dun, though some might have a hard time believing that."

"Lakas rin ng tama mo dun sa mokong na yun no?" he asks while blowing out smoke from his pink soft lips. Haaaay.

"Oo... thank God na-over din ako," I respond, nervous at the chosen topic.

"Over ka na ba talaga?" he asks, looking at me sternly again.

"Oo naman," I reply a bit annoyed, "Why do people keep asking me that?"

"Because before he was all you could talk about," Sunshine explained.

"I stopped, didn't I?" I ask him in turn.

"Yeah, I guess you did," Sushine admitted, "you stopped talking about him all of a sudden. So I guess you really are over him."

"I really am," I say.

Sunshine takes a puff again. "Are you in love with someone else?" he asks softly.

I take a long time before answering him, "I love a jaguar's blade."

"Huh?" Sunshine's confused.

"Nothing..." I say, laughing a little.

"A jaguar's blade?" he repeats.

"Forget it," I say, lighting another cigarette.

You are a jaguar's blade, I think to myself...

A jaguar's blade...