Apr 2008

Hold your breath, folks... It's almost here...

Paano kung naging kabarkada ko ang Gucci Gang?

1. Siguro lagi kaming mag-aaway ni Tim Yap. Mayabang siya. Mayabang ako. Masikip ang mundo namin.

Tapos madalas, pupulaan ko yung mga suot niya.

“Bakit ka may nakasabit na teddy bear sa t-shirt mo?” I would ask him.

“Daaahling, it’s fashion! What else?” he would scoff, blowing smoke at my face.

“Pasyon? Anong pasyon-pasyon yan? Eh para kang koreanong lukaret na may stuff toy sa damit? Sino ka? Si Hello Kitty???”

“You are sooooo fashionably unaware!” Tim would laugh, swirling around his wineglass filled with free booze.

“Eh ikaw naman mukhang mongoloid!”

“Swine!”

“Koreanong bakla!”

2. Kami naman ni Celine Lopez, magiging BFF’s. Kaso, I would always have this feeling na may tinatago siya sa akin.

Coming out of the bathroom:

I would say, “Girl, antagal mo naman sa loob ng banyo! Um-ebs ka ba?

Celine would giggle in a high-pitched tone, and shake her bony head, “Hell no! The comfort rooms here are heinous!”

I would notice some white powder on my bestfriend Celine’s nose, “Girl, may Johnson’s baby powder ka pa sa ilong mo. Grabe ka namang magpowder!”

Bestfriend Celine would then hurriedly take out her compact and check out her nose, “Oh fudge! Umm… yeah, sure, this is just baby powder… it’s totally not cocaine.” She would hastily wipe her nose clean.

“Ate, bakit parang pinapawisan ka?” I would ask, concerned, also taking note how her cheekbones seem to be protruding way too much.

“Ummm… it’s the music here, sweetheart! It makes my blood just pump like crazy! You know, like, CRAZY!!!” Celine would then start dancing like a possessed blender in the middle of the already cramped Embassy dance floor, “Whoooo! Shit! Life is fuckin’ good, bitches!”

I would hurriedly approach her, a little bit embarrassed by her behavior, “Girl, uso ba ang mood swings sa pamilya nyo?”

Celine would ignore me, grinding her hips against some foreigner’s crotch.

“Huuy, ano ba? Ang kati-kati mo! Umuwi na tayo! Bilis, baka mamaya wala na tayong aircon bus na maabutan, puro ordinary na lang, magwewet na naman yang kilikili mo sa init, sige ka,” I would start pulling on her arm.

Bestfriend Celine would just pull her arm away and scold me, “Quit it, sister! You’re, like, totally making me, like, crash!! Am just trying to have a little fun! Don’t be such a party pooper!”

She would then start French-kissing the foreigner she’s dancing with, as I back slowly away from her, confused and appalled by my bestfriend’s behavior. Que horror, I would whisper, que horror...

3. DJ and I smoking sa smoking area:

“Let’s go to Boracay for the summer!” DJ gushes, looking like a deranged pedophile.

“Ayoko nga, utangan mo pa ako,” I would reply, blank-faced.

Dear Callboi,

i am an avid reader of your blog. you seem to know a lot about the people on the floor. i have a question:

who are the most flirtatious people on the floor? gay or straight, whatever!

just interested to know who i can get along with. hahaha!

thanks gurl!

flirt

Dear Flirt,

Sabi ng isang friend ko, ako raw. Ako raw ang pinakaflirt na kilala niya. Heller! I don't think so!

Hmmm... sino nga ba?

1) Pinakaflirt sa mga Bading: Maraming flirt sa mga bading eh. Pero para sa akin, pinakaflirt si TS-Leilandi. I'm sure hindi niya aaminin na flirt siya (kunsabagay, sino ba ang aamin di ba?). Pero according sa tsismis (which I never listen to), mahilig manlandi ng agent ang bading na sup na to. Ewan ko lang kung totoo ha?

2) Pinakaflirt sa mga Babae: Ah, sigurado ako dito. Sup rin to. Babaeng medyo chipipay ang dating, tipong So-en ang underwear at Mena ang make-up (hindi man lang Sansan!). Anlandi nito, as in. Pag tinatawag yung dati kong crush na si Mon, ganito siya oh, "Mwonmwon! Ah mees yooo naaah!" sabay beso ng kaniyang rocky-road cheeks.

3) Pinakaflirt sa mga Lalaki: Wala ako maisip eh. Patago kasi magflirt ang mga lalaki dito, or baka dahil wala na yatang straight dito sa account natin. Kasi naman, kung mang-flirt ang mga straight na guys, through Outlook! Andaya! Behind the scenes ba? Bakit di nila gayahin tayong mga bading na lantaran kung mang-landi devah? Chaka!

Love,

Callboi♥

Dear Callboi,

Im one of your avid readers... you blog lightens up my day.

There's a guy on the floor that Im so attracted with but too sad that I heard he is about to resign but before he would leave the company I would like him to know that I have a huge crush on him and curious about his sexuality. Lets call him Boy_Belo coz napaka flawless nya at nakita ko na ata lahat ng klase ng ayos nya. Kala mo laging nag papaderma kay Belo at Calayan? Teka ano pala secret mo? Although, medyo maliit sya pero astig! Madalas ko syang makita with cute guy din na taga PS... mukhang taga 4th floor yun? Sila ba? Well I know for sure kilala mo tong si Mr. Flawless at yung lagi niyang kasama?

Anyways, Best regards sa 'yo at sa 'yong pag-alis isama mo na pati ang puso ko...

I love you and Good Bye,

Secretlover

Dear Secretlover,

Honey, sorry ha? Pero I have no freaking idea kung sino si Boy_Belo!

Wala naman akong kilala sa floor na flawless ang skin! Well, actually meron, pero flawless siya dahil flawless din ang paggamit niya ng foundation! Parang clown ba? Hindi astig ang porma niya, medyo may pagka-laos na boyband ang dating. Parang napaglumaan ng panahon.

Siya ba yun? Hindi ako sure eh. Ang alam ko naman di pa siya magreresign. Baka magpapasex-change lang.

Kisses all over,

Callboi♥

Dear callboi,

cguro naman alam mo na kung sino ako and lets just simply keep that identity..

i just want to ask some stories about mga kapapahan sa floor na medyo paminta din sa pagkaka amoy ko.

pwede mo ba sila i blog.

thanks,

Royalty

Dear Royalty,

Hay naku, baka pagsinimulan kong ikwento ang storya ng mga paminta dito sa blog ko, ay abutin pa ako ng thirteenth month pay ko bago ako matapos. Andami kasing closet dito sa account natin eh. Kunsabagay, decision nila kung ayaw nilang mag-out. Ang sabi ko naman lagi, closets are for clothes!

Meron nga akong isang alam na closet na sup, na ayaw pa umamin, eh madalas namang mahuli sa mga madidilim na sulok ng Malate, apparently naghahanap ng agent na puwede niyang bigyan ng "feedback" habang nakaluhod. Ka-imbey ang mga tao talaga.

Yours in lust,

Callboi♥
akosicallboi@gmail.com

Remember Pakandong-Girl? The supervisor na kakaiba ang taste? If you don't, then you might as well click here first before reading this one...

Anyways, one of my faithful readers, whom we shall call Agent X, related to me a story about the alleged wrongdoings of our favorite nastily naughty little supervisor called Pakandong-Girl. It seems she has other quirks, other than her affinity for "doing the nasty" with her male direct reports.

According to the rumors, Pakandong-Girl was assigned by the big boss himself, Papa Bear, to fix the priority numbers of all teams in their account for their upcoming shift bid for the schedule rotation.

Allegedly, Pakandong-Girl let all this power go to her head because, dios mio, a lot of agents in the team have noticed how miraculously her favorite agents and closest friends seem to have landed themselves in the top ten out of almost a hundred agents. According to the other agents, the priority numbers were clearly screwed up.

Favoritism is such an ugly thing, don't you agree, dear readers?

Now, Pakandong-Girl's fellow supervisors have noticed how unfairly the priority numbers were assigned, but oddly enough, nobody seems to be doing something about this.

If this rumor is true, will this injustice be allowed?

Will nothing be done?

We all love a good scandal, but we also would love it even more if the bad guy gets it in the end... literally.

Sorry for the delay in my postings, medyo busy ang lolo niyo sa work. May pustahan kasi kami ng aking amo. Anyways, balak ko sa sanang sa weekend pa magblog uli kaso, napilitan akong magreact sa isang message na nakuha ko. Read on...

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Dear Callboi,

Just call me SalesBoi. I'm your neighbor from across the Ops flor. Theres dis guy in ur team who u've been hangin out wid for the longest time. Dati siyang DotCom agent pero now I tnk hes in ur team na. He's tall and lean and kinda cute. Kmukha nya slight si Enchong Dee. Pansin ko lang ate, close kayo. Kayo ba? Kasi sobrang type ko si Enchong mo. Kung di kayo, may bf na b cia? Ano type nya in a guy? Sana mapaklala mo ko sa knya. Yun lang. More power!

xoxo

Salesboi

Dear Salesboi,

Hindi kami. Hinding-hindi. As in. Believe me. Sobrang hindi. No erase. Permanent ink. Period.

Hindi niya ako type, pero mas lalong hindi ko siya type.

I have noticed na medyo mabenta nga itong si Enchong sa Sales Department badets. Dami kasi nageemail sa kaniya eh. Parang artista lang. Kaya naman lumalaki ulo ng gagong to eh.

As far as I know, may dyowa siya. Pero di ako sure kung sila pa. Pero alam mo, soooobrang cute ng dyowa nito. Pag nakikita ko nga siya eh nauutal ako. Starstruck ba?

Kung ako sa iyo, email mo na lang si Enchong. ito email niya: jaltura2@peoplesupport.com

Basta pag naging kayo, dapat may regalo ka sa akin ha?

Ok na ang isang kahong krispy kremes.

Yours in lust,

Callboi♥
akosicallboi@gmail.com