Apr 2008

I was invited by a VIP friend to attend the re-opening of Government, the local gay hangout here in Makati, this Saturday.

As embarrassing as it may sound, I don't think I'd be able to attend because, ummm... medyo may tama ang tiyan ko.

I wouldn't want to be stuck in the middle of a crowded bar and then suddenly feel the urge to run to the bathroom.

Sayang, am sure marami sana ako nakitang bloggable people dun, ahehehe.

Kunsabagay, there's a certain someone na ayaw ko ring makita na malamang ay nandun sa Gov.

Pero, alam niyo, sa totoo lang, sorry na lang sa ma-o-offend, pero I really don't think I've ever had a thoroughly enjoyable moment in Government. Siguro mildly pleasant lang. Mostly traumatic ang experiences ko sa Gov. In two separate and totally unrelated occasions, I have witnessed the loves of my life kissing someone else in Gov. Oh di ba, traumatic?

Ansikip kasi dun eh. Tsaka ang init. Tapos, halos lahat ng tao dun, parang mga contestant sa show ni Ate Tyra Banks. Puro mga fierce and sexy halos lahat sila (although may mga iba na mukhang anorexic na alien).

Out of the hundreds of gay guys there, siguro mga 2 or 3 lang ang mataba. Go figure. That's gay life for you, I guess.

The thing I love best about Gov is the music. Panalo talaga, mga repapips. Parang ang sarap maghubad at magsasayaw na lang bigla (wag niyo nang imadyinin kung anong itsura ko na sumasayaw ng hubad, baka masuka kayo).

The second thing I love best about Gov is the people. Andaming karakter! Ansasaya nilang lahat! Parang walang kapaguran na nararamdaman. Sayaw lang buong gabi. Pagdating ng umaga booking naman kung kani-kanino.

Haaay. If only pang-top model ang fez ko.

Good morning, PeopleSupport!

I have an urgent message from our resident hunkalicious Team Manager. You know who I'm talking about, right?

Apparently, for the longest time, he has been receiving emails from people on the floor whom he doesn't even know.

Most are seemingly harmless, some are downright stalker-material. He has even reported a few to HR because their messages have become, ehem, increasingly alarming.

He showed me these emails and, Ohmygodkilalakosila!

And what's most funny to me is, they used our company email provider to send him messages! Kebs na kung malaman ang identity, apparently. Confidence, ika nga ni Shaina Magdayao na hindi ko talaga feel ang pagmumukha.

This gives new meaning to the phrase reach out and touch someone.

Anyway, people, TM has asked me to blog about this and to mention that he really doesn't respond to these kinds of emails and that he doesn't plan to in the future.

Well, I guess I can understand the attraction most people have for TM. He is quite the hottie. Pero I wouldn't go as far as sending him stalker-fanmail.

Maybe a text message, declaring undying love and servitude? Just kiddin', folks...

Dear Callboi,

First of, I love your blog. It’s so refreshing. And what everyone says is true. Reading your blog makes our shift a lot easier to bear.

In honor of your tradition in encrypting one’s identity, I’m gonna call myself GoodBoy.

Mine is a typical story, dude. I’m sure you’re familiar with this kind of thing. Boy meets boy. Boys become bestfriends. Boy falls in love with boy. Other boy becomes in love with someone else. First Boy still loves bestfriend and does everything to make the lovers happy even at his expense.

Whew. When I put it like that, it seems pretty pathetic, doesn’t it?

Bottomline is, I love my bestfriend. And I’m sure he loves me, too, but not in the way that I love him. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining. I can stand to be the bestfriend forever just to be with him, but this whole scenario and dramedy of me being always present to help my bestfriend and his boyfriend out is getting way too old, even for li’l ole martyr me.

I simply refuse to put down the details of how I have supported them, it’s way too embarrassing. Here’s a sample: I was the one who set up their 1st anniversary dinner in a resto which I paid for, btw.

I don’t want to leave my bestfriend, I love him way too much, but I’m really having a hard time seeing them together, especially since my bestfriend seems to only be there when he needs me. Lately, it's more obvious that my bestfriend only contacts me whenever he needs to talk about his problems with his relationship or if he needs financial help!! Aaargh!

What’s a gay bestfriend supposed to do, anyway?

Yours,

GoodBoy

Dear GoodBoy,

Haaay. I really wish I could say that I can't relate, pero... haaay. Yun lang.

A lot of people won't agree to what I would have to say, but I don't care. I'm not in the running to be America's Next Top Model anyway.

Can't take the heat? Then get the hell out of the kitchen. Meaning, if you can't take the pain of seeing the person you love with someone else, then quit the drama and get the hell outta there!

I know, I know, it's easier said than done, pero believe you me, I know how it feels, and the first step is the hardest, pero marse, maniwala ka, you will get tired of being a third wheel and being their Rescue 911-emergency line.

If you're really like me, then pareho tayong hindi umasa na mag-reciprocate ang bestfriend ng tunay na pagmamahal. We just wanted to be there for them.

Pero ang tanong, who's there for us?

Yours in lust,

Callboi♥

Dear Callboi,

Hi!

Read one of your blogs. Been a fan ever since. Masaya halos blogs mo kahit tragic ang situation, hehehe...Keep it up!

Anyway, I was wondering if you can try Badger Sleeping Balm. Insomniac ka, sabi mo, so baka makatulong. It's available for 395php sa Rustan's Essences. Medyo yung maliit na parang trial version ang binebenta nila for that price pero dati yun yung price ng malaking version ng balm.

You can check it out dito http://www.badgerbalm.com/pc-393-2-sleep-balm.aspx pag skeptic ka.
Me kamahalan, pero kebs, you said you tried everything. Dunno whether you tried this one pero ang dameng comments.

At tsaka amoy Lavender, so kung hindi man siya effective tuloy, at least mabango ka habang nakahiga sa kama at tumutingala sa kisame, hehe.

Goodluck!

fridaygirl

Dear fridaygirl,

Salamat! Sige, susubukan ko rin tong Badger Sleeping Balm, kahit parang mukha siyang pang-badger. Desperado na akong makatulog ng mahaba eh. Lintek na insomnia ito. Ok sana kung pumapayat ako dahil sa lack of sleep, pero kabaliktaran ang nangyayari eh. Dahil wala akong tulog, lagi akong gutom at lagi akong kumakain!

Alam mo ba, kanina, napakain ako ng anim na asado rolls na binebenta ni kuya diyan sa pantry??!!

Pero ansarap naman kasi nung mga asado rolls ni kuya eh! Sabi ng ka-team ko, gawa daw yun sa laman ng tao.

"Pag ganyan kasarap ang food, gawa sa tao yan!" ang sabi ni Socorro. Hindi raw siya naniniwala sa cultured worms and shit.

So malamang, ang baker nina kuya eh si Sweeney Todd.

Yours in lust,

Callboi♥

Dear Callboi,

Hello Philippines Mabuhay! I just wanna share some of my thoughts regarding our newbie beckies on the floor. Pansin ko once they hit the floor after their LOB training, mabilis pa sa sikat ng araw may mga jowa na sila sa floor. Well, there's really nothing wrong with that pero I find it a little amuzing. Hello Buks' ang tagal na natin sa PS at ngayon lang natin na-experience ang ganitong Phenomenon. Right of passage ba na kailangang magkajowa agad once you hit the floor? Newbie to Newbie, Newbie to floorwalker, etc...etc..etc.. Initiation ba ito para maging member ng Alpha Phi Chupaphi? Again, perception ko lang ito no offense meant. Kung may tumataas ang kilay sa sinabi ko....again opinion ko lang ito.

Nagmamahal,

Empress Dowager

Dear Empress Dowager,

Alpha Phi Chupaphi? Hmmm... love the name. It has such potential.

Well... marami na nga akong napapansin lately na newbies sa floor na mabilis nakabibingwit ng mga dyowa-ers dito sa account natin.

Admittedly, ang cu-cute ng newbie agents sa floor natin lately. Maybe it's the cuteness factor that's screwing up the natural balance of things? I really don't know.

Alam mo, Empress Dowager, times change. Kung gusto ng mga newbies na magmadali sa paghahanap ng karelasyon dito sa floor, nasa kanila na yun. As far as I know, most of these flash-relationships don't last long din naman, as history would gladly show you.

Ang ayaw ko lang, may mga ibang newbies na sobrang feeling sa pagiging istariray. May bagwis na agad, kumbaga.

Don't they know that what goes around, comes around (and mostly all over your face)?

I just hope na walang masyadong pagkakaibigan ang masisira dahil sa mga ganitong eksena.

Oo nga pala, totoo ba ang tsismis na uso na naman na mga baklang supervisor na ngayon ang nag-aaya ng date sa mga baklang newbie agents?

Haaay... desperado, ika nga ni Camille Velasco...

Yours in lust,

Callboi♥
akosicallboi@gmail.com

Ducati: Noun; an Italian motorcycle manufacturer located in Bologna, Italy.

So yan, alam niyo na kung ano yung Ducati. Hindi siya sakit na parang buni. Motorcycle siya.

Anyways, galing kami ng kateam-mate kong si Jejoi kanina sa Mercury Drug, pabalik ng office, ng mapansin ko ang isang pulang Ducati na nakaparada mismo sa harap ng lobby, malapit sa pinto.

"Ano yan? Premyo?" tanong ko sa kasama ko, pero napansin ko rin na may helmet na ang sasakyan at mukhang may nagmamay-ari na nito. Akala ko naman sobrang nag-all out na ang HR natin, akala ko Ducati na ang incentive para sa mga referral bonuses natin. Panalo sana.

Grabe naman makapag-park ang may-ari nito, sa isip-isip ko, abusado. Kulang na lang ipasok mismo sa loob ng lobby. Kayabangan talaga ng mga tao oh.

Pagpasok namin sa lobby, nakasalubong namin si Bong Borja, ang COO ng PeopleSupport, na dati kong boyfriend. Echos. Nakaleather jacket ang lolo mo.

Aaaaah, kaya pala. Sino nga ba naman ang magkakaroon ng lakas ng loob na ipaglandakan sa harapan mismo ng kaniyang gusali na meron siyang ubod ng mamahalin na bisikleta.

Pagkakita ng mga guard kay Bong, aba, parang biglang nabuhayan ang mga lolo mo. Dalawa pa silang bumukas ng mga pinto para sa kanya, grand exit ba.

"Buti pa si Bong, pinagbubuksan ng pinto ng mga guard," nabanggit ko bigla.

Kasi naman, pansin ko, kahit na makita ng mga guard na andami dami mong dala, di ka pa rin nila pagbubuksan ng pinto. Bagkus, hihingan ka pa ng ID. Mukha pa silang galit pag pinag-intay mo.

Tapos, di ba nakakainis kapag ininspeksyon nila yung bag mo, parang grabe silang makahalukay ng gamit, pasundut sundot pa nung stick nila na akala mo magic wand ni Voldemort.

Ano naman ang ineexpect nilang dadalhin ko papasok sa office? Bomba? Oo, aaminin ko, there are certain moments in my life that I have entertained the thought of blowing up this building, pero fantasy lang yun. I would never act out on my homicidal tendencies, not yet anyway.

Pero alam niyo, di lang kay Bong ang preferential treatment ng mga guards. Pati sa mga Kano na dito nagwowork sa company natin. Kulang na lang magbow down sa pagpapakita ng respeto ang mga guards natin pag Kano ang nakakasalubong nila.

Nasaan na ang pagmamahal sa kapwa Pinoy? Nasaan na ang Proud-to-be-Pinoy na spirit?

Wala nga akong Ducati, pero afford ko namang bumili ng sarili kong pedicab. Hindi ngayon, oo. Siguro pagdating ng susunod na thirteenth month, pwede na.

Kakalog-off ko palang sa phone ko when She-ra approached my station.

"Is it just me, or nagiging mas hot and steamy si McSup?" he asked me, looking in the supervisor's direction sa kabilang side ng Ops floor.

"Hmmm... well, dati pa naman siyang malakas ang dating eh," I noted, cleaning up my stuff from my desk.

"Hindi eh, iba na siya ngayon, parang mas... what's the word I'm looking for?" She-ra thought about it, "Ayun... mas doable siya ngayon..."

"Doable? Maybe..." I replied.

"Oo noh, I mean, tignan mo yun dibdib niya, Marse! Haaang lakeeeh!" he gushed.

I nodded, "In fairness, ang laki nga ng dibdib niya, parang bawal na magkadibdib bukas."

"Parang ang sarap higaan ng dibdib niya," She-ra said.

"Parang ang tibay ng katawan niya," I said.

"Parang ang init niyang magmahal," She-ra said.

"Parang ok siyang boyfriend," I said.

"Parang kaya niya buong gabi," She-ra said.

"Graaabee, abuso ka na ha," I answered, lightly punching She-ra's arm.

"Eh di na ako mapakali pag nakikita ko si McSup eh," he replied, "parang gusto kong kumanta ng Run To You ni Whitney pag nakakasalubong ko siya."

I giggled, "Ako naman, napapakanta ng Let's Get Physical."

She-ra sighed, "Sana lang, lagi siyang mag-tight fit na shirt, ano? Pag maluwang ang shirt niya, di ko makita yung tectonic plates sa chest niya eh."

"True, true," I answered.

"Eh itong si TM ko, lately ang sikip ng mga damit din niya, in fairness..." he noted.

"Parang suot niya ang shirts ng bunso niyang kapatid na grade school student," I said, "Ang sikip ng mga damit!"

"Pero bagay naman! Ganda rin ng katawan ng lolo mo eh," She-ra said, "Parang ginawa ng Diyos para lang pagpantasyahan ng mga malilibog na badets."

"Or ng mga curious na straights," I laughed, "Pumayag na siyang maging Most Bloggable Person ko for April, you know?"

"Ows? Anong itatanong mo?" She-ra asked.

"Di ko pa sure eh. Kelangan mag-ingat, alam mo naman..." I answered, "Kuha na lang ako ng ideas from my readers."

"Itanong mo kung top or bottom!" he giggled.

"Tanga! Yoko nga! That would be offensive."

"Echos! Curious ka rin naman eh!

"Maybe..."

"Ok, itanong mo na lang kung sino type niya sa floor," he suggested.

"Hmmm... puwede rin," I said, "Sana game siya sa kahit na anong itanong ko."

"Lasingin mo muna! Remember, mabilis yan malasing!"

"Ano ba ako sa tingin mo? Rapist?" I asked.

"Kelangan pa bang i-memorize yan?" She-ra answered, skipping away...

What a fag.

Pero seriously, if you guys have any suggestions what questions I can ask you-know-who, please do send it to me.