Mar 2008

I had a job interview the other day.

Wag niyo nang itanong kung saan. It went okay, I guess.

The interviewer, a guy named Carlo Jose (but you can call me CJ, said he) who was wearing this ultra-sleek corporate attire which made me feel like a fast food mascot in my purple long-sleeved shirt. He looked younger than me, parang commercial model ng Eskinol for Men with Real Papaya Bits and Essence. Na-insecure ako agad sa kaniya.

"So, how long have you been working in PeopleSupport?" he asked.

Too long, I thought, but instead said, "More than five years."

"Wow, that's quite an achievement. I heard that it's pretty hard to stay in that company for that long," he reacted, while polishing his glasses.

Did he just subtly insult the first ever company I worked for? Hmmm...

"I've been there that long because I really enjoy the working environment," I said, "The people are really quite something."

"Really? What do you mean?" he asked. Tangina, humingi pa ng details, eh chika lang naman yung sinabi ko. Filler ba.

"Well, the're very dynamic," I answered. Nakakatawa. Ano ba talaga ang ibig sabihin pag sinabi mong dynamic ang isang tao? Wala talaga ako sa mood ma-interview noon.

I continued on bago pa niya tanungin kung anong ibig sabihin ng dynamic, "Plus, a lot of my co-workers are very interesting. I've been saying it over and over again all these years, I stayed because of the people in the account."

CJ nodded, "I see. And what is it exactly that you do in your account?"

Nagpapa-kapokpok para sa mga epal na foreigners, I thought, but I said, "Mainly, we cater to their travel needs. We do everything from booking their travel to making sure they get home on time with the littlest amount of inconvenience as possible."

Gusto ko sanang idagdag, "Paminsan minumura nila kami. Pero di naman kami makaganti. Instead, ngingiti na lang kami at magsasabing Is there anything else I can help you with?"

"What do you think you can bring into our company that no one else can?" CJ asked.

Sandamakmak na bilbil? Tsismis? Harry Potter trivia? Boxers na walang garter?

Wala akong maisip so I said jokingly:

"My cunning wit and devilishly handsome looks?"

CJ blinked. Di niya yata na-gets ang joke. Sabi niya, "Hoookay..."

Alam niyo, usually, di naman sa pagyayabang, I'm very witty pero during that interview, I think my heart really wasn't into it. I kept thinking to myself, Kaya ko ba talaga ito? Iwan ang PS? Am I really ready to go out of my comfort zone?

"Well, you can expect a call from us in the next three days with the results," CJ said, shuffling papers around his desk, "Thank you for your time."

I stood up, shook his hand, and said, "Salamat din."

What's funny is, they did call, and they were going to offer me a job. And what's even funnier is I told them I would have to politely turn them down. Was it the salary, you ask? Hindi naman. Ok naman yung offer nila eh. I just don't think I'm quite ready to leave yet.

Sayang naman pag nawala ang cunning wit and devilishly handsome looks ko sa PS, di ba?

Some pervert sent me this pic via email:

Along with this line: You want?

Help me out here, dear readers...

The sender is asking me if:

a) I want his pink shirt?

b) I want his denim pants?

or

c) I want to do something equally as perverse as his email with him?

Honestly, mukha ba akong ganun ka-desperado para ma-turn on na lang sa ganitong klase ng pic???

Kalokah...

The other day, I woke up and wasn't able to get out of bed immediately. My stomach muscles (yes, may muscles ang stomach ko, hindi nga lang halata!) were extremely stiff and painful.

At first, I couldn't figure out why. For some weird reason, ang pumasok sa isip ko, Shet! May STD ako! Then I slapped myself. Kung may STD man ako, hindi sa tiyan mararamdaman yun, I guess.

That's when I remembered that She-ra had forced me to attend this yoga class in Paseo the day before and now I was reaping the rewards of stretching exaggeratedly in front of sweaty strangers.

I remember it well... There were about twenty of us in the class. Lahat halos sila mukhang mga commercial models ng Fit and Right. Samantalang ako naman mukhang model ng Minola Oil.

The first position was this:

Our Yoga teacher, some guy whose name I couldn't understand (it kinda sounded like "Subpoena"), said, "Dees ees our eestarteeng poseesyun. Eet ees called Suka ni Nina."

Well, actually, it wasn't really called Suka ni Nina. It just sounded like that. So, we were supposed to sit cross-legged, with our hands on our knees for fifteen minutes, while focusing on our breathing.

"Narerelax ka na ba?" She-ra asked me.

"Masakit na yung paa ko. Manhid pa mga legs ko," I replied, already sweating.

"Nangangalay na likod ko," ang sagot naman ng bakla.

Second Position:

Subpoena then informed us that the next position was called the Dog and Cat.

Basically, ang panimulang position niya, parang dog-style.

Pareho naming nakuha agad ni She-ra ang position. In fact, we got it perfectly. Sanay ba?

"Beree goood, you two! You got eet jaas right!" Subpoena applauded us both.

"Marse, kaya ko tong position na ito for four hours straight," ang pagyayabang ng She-ra.

"Kadiri ka!" I exclaimed, laughing.

"Asus, ang linis mo eh!" he teased back.

Subpoena continued on, "Now daat ees called da Dog. From da Dog, we shall transition eento da Cat. As you exhaaale, reverse the bend of your spinal, tilt your pelvis down, draw the spine back up, and pull the chest and stomach in. Do dees seberal times."

"Ano daw?!" I whispered.

"Igiling mo daw katawan mo habang nakatuwad..." She-ra answered, at totoo nga, gumigiling ang lola mo habanng naka-doggy style. Parang porno lang. Natawa na talaga ako ng malakas at napagalitan pa ni Master Subpoena.

Third Position:

I'm not sure, but I think this standing position was called the Tadasana or Todaskana.

"Todas Ka Na? Yun ba ang sabi niya?" I asked.

"Do I look like I'm listening?" She-ra replied, he was apparently too busy throwing flirtatious looks at Master Subpoena.

"You are sooo unbelievable," I said.

"Dees ees called the Uttanasana", informed Master Subpoena.

"Ututan Ka Sana raw!" She-ra whispered.

"Gaga!" I answered, as I was desperately trying to reach my feet, kaso nakaharang yung tiyan ko. Ang hirap! Che!

"Ano namang position ito, dyosko!" I said, exasperated and tired already.

"Dees poseetion builds strength and awareness!" Master Subpoena instructed.

"Awareness? Awareness ng ano? Awareness ng pagkabakla?" She-ra said.

"Awareness na puwede kang magmukhang bakla and tanga at the same time?" I asked.

"Awareness na sayang talaga binayad ko dito sa class na ito?" She-ra added.

According to Master Subpoena, this position was called something like Ardha Extravaganza, am not sure talaga kung anong spelling.

"There is no fucking way I'm doing that position..." I said.

"Bakit naman? Mukha siyang exciting!" She-ra said, already trying to attempt to do it.

"Sa bigat kong ito? Baka mabali leeg ko no?" I replied.

"Dees ees the Bridge!" Master Subpoena said.

"Ay shet, nakabukol yung sa kaniya!" She-ra pointed out. Anlakas ng boses pa ng lola niyo. Andami tuloy natawa.

"Pakshit wag ka maingay," ang sabi ko naman.

"Da final position ees called The Corpse!"

Nagkatinginan kami ni She-ra.

"Corpse?" She-ra said, giggling, "As in bangkay?"

"Corpse talaga?" natawa na talaga ako, "Ah eto kayang kaya ko."