Last Tuesday, I had lunch in Jollibee with my favorite straight couple, Alvin and Julia.
"Why the heck did you choose Jollibee Guadalupe of all places for us to meet?" asked Alvin, sounding pissed.
"Well, first of all, it's close to my place. Second, it's cheap," I retorted, "and third, nagtitipid na ako. You guys are rich! I'm sure nagcab kayo papunta rito."
Julia nodded, smiling, while Alvin mock-punched me on the arm.
I ordered the 2-piece Chickenjoy meal with large fries and a large Coke, AND extra rice (I just looooove their fries and chicken!); the forever health-buff couple ordered salad and peach mango pies.
As we sat down to eat, Julia discreetly pointed out a cute guy sitting next to our table.
"In fairness, may chance si junior," I said.
"He's cute. I think you'd be perfect for each other," Julia responded. Ganyan si Julia, feeling niya lahat ng cute na guys bagay sa akin, God bless her.
"Ang bagay kay Buquir, yung malaki rin yung katawan! Para pag nagsex sila, di mapipisa!" Alvin chuckled.
"Harharhar..." I sarcastically replied.
Just then, next-table-cute-guy was approached by another cute guy.
We couldn't hear what they were talking about but it was pretty obvious that they were introducing themselves to each other.
"Hmmm... It looks like a classic case of EB," I noted.
"EB?" Julia asked, innocently.
"Eyeball," I said, and explained the usual rituals of such a procedure.
"So they met online, and then what?" Julia was curious.
Alvin was laughing, "Eh di ano pa? Jabongga!"
"Which would then make it into SEB," I said, "Sex Eyeball."
Julia was nonplussed, "You mean... kahit na first time nilang magkita, and they hardly know each other, they'll do it?"
I was laughing softly at her amazement, "It happens more often than you think."
Alvin added, "It's a gay thing. But I do know some straight people do it, too. It's just that this kind of thing is more proliferate in the gay community."
Julia seemed to be still musing over the gay couple next to us.
They seemed to have progressed from the hi's and hello's to the are-you-top-or-bottom part.
After a few seconds, they left, looking eager to slap each other silly.
Julia looked at me seriously and then asked, "Have you ever done that?"
It took a second for me to answer, I had to think kase. Have I done it?
"No," I answered truthfully, "Not yet, anyway."
Julia nodded, while Alvin snorted.
"What? You don't believe me?" I asked, one eyerbrow raised.
"Well, I know how much of a horndog you can be..." he replied, smiling.
I threw some fries at him, "Hello! I'm not a hypocrite or anything. I have done the occasional one-night-stands but it's rare. And I wouldn't do it now if I was with someone."
"Plus, I don't try and meet guys online," I said, softly, "Besides, I'm sure they'd just reject me if they see my pic. Mas harsh ang judgment ng mga bakla online, believe me."
Julia still couldn't get over the sex-with-a-stranger thing, "So, do you think most gay guys are promiscuous?"
I pondered that question, "I honestly, and sadly, have to say yes."
They were both looking at me. I felt that I needed to expound.
"Do you know? I have yet to find a gay guy who's been in a true-to-life monogamous relationship," I said, "As in lahat ng kakilala ko na bading na may karelasyon had already slept with someone else while in the relationship."
"Plus, uso sa mga gay relationships yung what they call na open relationship," I said, "Which just means you can fuck around with anybody but still have a boyfriend who probably is doing the same thing."
"Do you believe in open relationships?" Alvin asked.
"No, I don't," I answered seriously.
"Why not?" he asked.
"Eh kasi, if I am going to be in a relationship, I'd want to be faithful to that someone," I answered, "And I would want him to be faithful, too."
"Sleeping around just corrupts a relationship for me. It taints it. If you really love someone, sex should just be between the two of you. And I don't believe in that crap that they say that open relationships just add more spice to the couple's life. It may add spice and excitement and all that, but the love comes into question more often than not."
I panted. I didn't intend to make a speech. I added one more line, though, "Kahit papaano, sacred pa rin ang sex para sa akin."
Alvin said softly, hesitantly, "You cheated on Blaise back in college. With his bestfriend."
I nodded, "And it was the single most stupid and evil thing I've ever done and the karma I am experiencing since then is so not enough."
"But I've never cheated on anyone ever since. I learned my lesson well."
Julia smiled, "Well at least there are others like you."
I laughed, "Some gay guys would actually frown at what I said and how I think about open relationships or sexual promiscuity."
"Yeah, well, some gay guys are stupid," Alvin said.
"Don't say that," I replied, "They're not stupid. It's their choice. If they choose to fuck around, go ahead. I don't force my beliefs on my friends. I let them live their own lives."
"Although, feeling ko, the promiscuity thing?" I said, "It's just gay guys trying to find someone to love through sex. It's a beautiful kind of sadness, as that South Park kid once said."