16.09.2007 -17 °C
I don't know if it's the rain pouring outside, or maybe I've been hanging out way too much with Amorsolo...
but lately, I've been longing for... ummm... that thing, you know. The one all girls and gay guys desire. You know! That THING!
No, not that, bastos mo naman eh. I want a boyfriend!
There. I said it. Haaay.
I mean, Christmas is fast approaching, and worse, so is my birthday.
I don't want to be all alone again when those times come.
I know you know how hard it is sometimes to be "loveless".
Sometimes, when I'm in the mall alone, or even in the bus, and I see couples making PDA with each other, I have this urge to pull out a gun and just shoot them in the heads. And then shout out, "Oh! Yan! Sige sige! Maglandian pa kayo mga *$@+=&@ kayo!!!
Nakakainis eh! Parang pinamumukha pa sa akin na single talaga ako.
But, of course, that's just the Bitter Ocampo in me talking.
Why am I single?
The first reason that comes to my mind is my looks. Now before you go spouting out shitty lines like "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder", I'll have to ask you to shut up.
Look, I know how I look. I see myself in the mirror everyday. I'm fat and my nose is big. And yes, dammit, I have low self-esteem, but I've gotten used to it. My low self-esteem has become almost like a pet dog to me.
But then, there are friends and people who tell me, "Bookie, ano ba? Cute ka kaya!"
Fine. Kung cute ako, eh di dapat na-discover na ako ng Star Cinema?
And FYI, I am not going into a pool of self-pity. I just know the truth. I guess there is some semblance of cuteness somewhere in the quagmire of flesh that is my face. But it's not enough. As dumb blonde-ish as it may sound, I want to be gorgeous! As in Tyra's Top Model or Janice Dickinson's Model gorgeous! (Pagbigyan mo na ako, Lord)
That's why I often tell my close friends that as soon as I earn tons of money, I would probably get plastic surgery to fix up my nose. Shallow as it may sound, it's how I really feel. I'm just being honest.