and why I want to beat myself silly...
"That I would be good even if I lost sanity.
That I would be good,
Whether with or without you."
- Alanis Morissette
Familiar scene: Sunshine and I sitting on a street corner, midnight, smoking.
He was extremely depressed and asked me if I could do him the courtesy of smoking as well.
There goes my three-week streak of not smoking...
So, again, Sunshine and I sitting on a street corner, midnight, smoking.
"I want him, but I don't want it," he said, quietly, looking at his hands.
He was telling me how sad he was that the person he loved could never truly reciprocate.
At heto naman akong si gagong in love sa kaniya, nakikinig sa problema niya at nag-iisip ng advise na maipapayo.
Abangan niyo na lang ang pag-canonize nila sa akin bilang saint sa Vatican.
I sighed, "You love him. The question is, does he have the same feelings for you?"
He was quiet, and then said, "I think he does, I do know he's attracted."
"Attracted? Ano kayo magnets?" I laughed, but got no response from him, "Fine, eto bang attraction na ito, you think it can lead into something more? Something that might be remotely close to how you feel for him?"
Sunshine was quiet still, then shrugged his shoulders.
Naiinis na ako, "Look, I'm sure you know, you may just have trouble accepting the truth."
I know, I know, I was being a bit blunt with him, pero intindihin niyo naman yung nararamdaman ko during that time. Puta, ansakit rin nun ha!
But because I had no aspirations to having a relationship with him, I was content being just a friend.
Haay. PS = Pakshet.
"What do you plan to do?" I asked him.
"What can I do?" Sunshine sobbed.
We remained quiet for about ten minutes, just smoking.
"Sorry ha?" Sunshine whispered.
"Bakit?" I asked, surprised.
"Puro na lang drama dala ko sa iyo," Sunshine replied.
"Asus, wag ka nga baduy. Ok lang yun," I said, and then added jokingly, "Pero minsan naman, subukan mo namang flowers ang dala mo para sa akin."
Sunshine laughed, "Hahaha! O sige, promise, one of these days, I'll give you flowers. Para sa lahat ng tulong mo."