A Travellerspoint blog

#34 Gumamela Street...

storm -17 °C

mother_and_son.jpg

I rarely talk about my mother. I always think about her, though. It's true.

I have mixed feelings about her. I know I love her. I love her because she's my mother and a son is supposed to love his mother, right?

Oftentimes, I dream about her, and when I wake up, my face is wet with my tears. In all my dreams about her, it seems I'm always apologizing to her. For disappointing her. For being what I am which she can never accept.

I have friends who have parents who have learned to accept their children's homosexuality. I don't know if my friends notice this, but I really don't feel better after hearing such stories about their supposed deeper connection for having revealed their life choice.

Naiinggit ako, I guess.

It's been almost five years since I've seen my whole family. Five years. Tangina, ang tagal na pala.

So why don't I go home, you ask?

Like I mentioned awhile ago, I have mixed feelings about my mother.

I love her but I also can't bear to see her anymore.

Recently, I just found out that she would never ever be able to accept me for who I am, as cliche as it may sound.

She is my mother and she can't acknowledge the fact that her youngest son is gay.

I guess I'm as stubborn as she is, because I can't accept a mother who won't accept me.

I don't hate her. But I guess we're both disappointed with each other.

I miss her. I miss being home and being taken cared of.

I miss the way we used to hug each other. I miss her voice. I miss her little quirks in the kitchen.

I miss her but I don't ever want to see her again.

I love her but I guess that's not enough.

Sorry, Ma. Ganito talaga ako.

P.S.

Why did I suddenly write about my mother? It's just that whenever I have a fight with a close friend of mine, or someone I love, I remember what she used to say to me, "It's only your family who will always truly be there for you."

Posted by callboi 08:45 Archived in Philippines Tagged gay_travel

Email this entryFacebookStumbleUpon

Table of contents

Comments

A mother will ALWAYS love her children.
They are an extension of herself.
Their achievements reflect on how she raised them.

Pls understand that it may be her disappointment
manifesting itself... not on you, but on herself.

Isa lang masasabi ko dito Buquee... MYMP!
Dont apologize for who you are and what you've become. Make Yah Momma Proud!!!

c",)

by STlauder

This blog requires you to be a logged in member of Travellerspoint to place comments.

Enter your Travellerspoint login details below

( What's this? )

If you aren't a member of Travellerspoint yet, you can join for free.

Join Travellerspoint