Bi Now, Gay Later...

Monday morning, in the office pantry:

I was having breakfast with two of my close acquaintances sa office, si Konichi (not his real name), a twenty-something guy na mukhang commercial model, and si She-ra (not his real name, either), a twenty-something badet agent.

Well, actually, badet kaming tatlo pero si Konichi, nagkakaroon ng identity crisis. Or so he says.

"How come nahihirapan kayong tanggapin na bisexual ako?" Konichi asked us, brushing back his black hair with his fingers. May itsura si Konichi, mukha siyang model ng Bench na di masyadong nasusuwelduhan kaya simple lang manamit. Anlabo ng description ko noh?

I thought for a second before I answered, "Weeell, to be fair, I don't believe in bisexuality in ALL pinoy men. Period. Hindi lang ikaw. Lahat."

"Kurak!" sabat pa ni She-ra.

"Eh bakit?" Konichi asked one more time, blinking those gorgeous eyes of his.

"Eh kasi, pag kumain ka ng saging, saging lang dapat talaga ang kainin mo. Dehins pwede ang vajayjay. You should never mix your sexual food groups. It's unhealthy," She-ra explained.

Konichi looked confused.

I explained some more, "Simple lang. Pag et*ts ang habol mo, et*ts lang forever. Ibig sabihin, ang bakla, hindi tomboy." (Sorry folks, medyo bastos ang usapan, but we're all adults, right?)

Konichi looked unbelieving, "I disagree. Bakit ako, I get attracted to girls?"

"Sexually attracted?" asked She-ra.

"Yes!" Konichi replied.

I thought it over for a second, "Weeeell, maybe you don't wanna do them, you just want to be them."

"Ulol!" Konichi laughed, punching me lightly on the shoulder, "Basta ako, pwede ako sa babae, pwede sa lalake."

"Ang dwapang mo naman, parehong gender ang gusto mo. Hindi bisexuality ang tawag dun," sabat ni She-ra, "Katakawan ang tawag dun. Hayok."

"Gago. Tsaka hindi naman sex lang ang habol ko. And besides," Konichi said, starting look sheepish and blushing a little, "I've never actually done it with another guy yet. Sa girl pa lang ako nagkakaroon ng experience."

Natameme kami ni She-ra. After two seconds, napatawa kami ng malakas.

"CHE! Sinong niloko mo? Ikaw? Hindi pa nakaka-do ng lalake? I don't think so!" She-ra laughed.

I laughed with him, "Honga! Eh mas ma-kati ka pa sa higad na may allergy sa hipon! Tigilan mo kami ha! And anyways, hindi ba may nangyari sa inyo nung isang trainer?"

Namula si Konichi, "Ha? Sinong trainer? Hindi no! I swear, nakakahiya mang aminin, pero it's the honest-to-goodness truth; I've never done it with another guy. I've only had sex with three girls."

Mukha namang sincere si Konichi sa sinasabi niya, pero ang hirap paniwalaan eh. Gwapo si Konichi. At kapag bading ka at gwapo, malamang grade school pa lang hindi ka na virgin sa gay sex. Ganun sa Gay World.

"Hoy Konichi! Wag mo nga akong patawanin! Nakasalubong kita nung isang araw sa Glorietta at may kasama kang newbie agent na guy. Mukhang sweet-sweetan ang drama niyo. Dehins ko nga alam na bading pala yung agent na yun. Oh ano yun? Walang nangyari sa inyo? Eh sabi sa akin nung housemate mo nakita niya kayong magkatabi sa kama mo nung gabi?" ang palatak ni She-ra.

"Natulog lang kami no? Pagod kami dahil maghapon kaming gumala," Konichi defended.

"Woooshooo! Anong ginawa niyo sa kama mag-damag? Nag-bible study?" She-ra teased.

"Natulog nga lang!" he replied.

"CHE!" ang sagot namin ni She-ra.