Paano kung naging kabarkada ko ang Gucci Gang?
1. Siguro lagi kaming mag-aaway ni Tim Yap. Mayabang siya. Mayabang ako. Masikip ang mundo namin.
Tapos madalas, pupulaan ko yung mga suot niya.
“Bakit ka may nakasabit na teddy bear sa t-shirt mo?” I would ask him.
“Daaahling, it’s fashion! What else?” he would scoff, blowing smoke at my face.
“Pasyon? Anong pasyon-pasyon yan? Eh para kang koreanong lukaret na may stuff toy sa damit? Sino ka? Si Hello Kitty???”
“You are sooooo fashionably unaware!” Tim would laugh, swirling around his wineglass filled with free booze.
“Eh ikaw naman mukhang mongoloid!”
2. Kami naman ni Celine Lopez, magiging BFF’s. Kaso, I would always have this feeling na may tinatago siya sa akin.
Coming out of the bathroom:
I would say, “Girl, antagal mo naman sa loob ng banyo! Um-ebs ka ba?
Celine would giggle in a high-pitched tone, and shake her bony head, “Hell no! The comfort rooms here are heinous!”
I would notice some white powder on my bestfriend Celine’s nose, “Girl, may Johnson’s baby powder ka pa sa ilong mo. Grabe ka namang magpowder!”
Bestfriend Celine would then hurriedly take out her compact and check out her nose, “Oh fudge! Umm… yeah, sure, this is just baby powder… it’s totally not cocaine.” She would hastily wipe her nose clean.
“Ate, bakit parang pinapawisan ka?” I would ask, concerned, also taking note how her cheekbones seem to be protruding way too much.
“Ummm… it’s the music here, sweetheart! It makes my blood just pump like crazy! You know, like, CRAZY!!!” Celine would then start dancing like a possessed blender in the middle of the already cramped Embassy dance floor, “Whoooo! Shit! Life is fuckin’ good, bitches!”
I would hurriedly approach her, a little bit embarrassed by her behavior, “Girl, uso ba ang mood swings sa pamilya nyo?”
Celine would ignore me, grinding her hips against some foreigner’s crotch.
“Huuy, ano ba? Ang kati-kati mo! Umuwi na tayo! Bilis, baka mamaya wala na tayong aircon bus na maabutan, puro ordinary na lang, magwewet na naman yang kilikili mo sa init, sige ka,” I would start pulling on her arm.
Bestfriend Celine would just pull her arm away and scold me, “Quit it, sister! You’re, like, totally making me, like, crash!! Am just trying to have a little fun! Don’t be such a party pooper!”
She would then start French-kissing the foreigner she’s dancing with, as I back slowly away from her, confused and appalled by my bestfriend’s behavior. Que horror, I would whisper, que horror...
3. DJ and I smoking sa smoking area:
“Let’s go to Boracay for the summer!” DJ gushes, looking like a deranged pedophile.
“Ayoko nga, utangan mo pa ako,” I would reply, blank-faced.