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Midnight in Malate...

I have taken certain liberties in recounting this night, as I ended up getting seriously drunk...

semi-overcast -17 °C


"The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex. It's true. In fact, they say men think about sex every 28 seconds. Of course, that's straight men. Gay men it's every nine."

- Michael Novotne, Queer as Folk

I rarely go to Malate. I don't like the crowd, the noise, the heat, and did I mention the crowd?

Don't think I'm a snobbish guy who thinks he's better than everyone else. It's just that I'm really not into the whole Malate scene.

But then, once in a blue moon, like a sudden craving for pistachio ice cream, I get the urge to mingle with the native folk of Malate and drink and dance till the early light of morning.

It was a Saturday night, and like destiny calling, I got a text message from a friend of mine. Let's call him She-ra.

Wer u? Gmik tau. Malars. - She-ra

Hmmmm... It's only 9PM and already She-ra sounds (reads) drunk.

Okish, I text back at him, who else is coming?

Buong makati - replies She-ra.

What a bitch.

Anyway, She-ra and I decide to get some dinner first before we head out to Malate. At exactly 11PM, we met at Starbucks 6750.

I was sipping my white mocha latte when She-ra enters the cafe, looking like one of Janice Dickinson's models.

He spots me, waves, and then heads to the CR.

After five minutes, he comes back out and sits on the sofa next to my chair.

"Hay naku, bakla. Feeling ko andumi-dumi ko ngayon," She-ra says, while wiping his neatly manicured hands.

"Wassup?" I ask.

"Yung nyeta kasing unang taxi na sinakyan ko, nasiraan dyan sa may Buendia," he rants, while checking if there were any stains on his beige cream pants, "I had to make abang pa uli for another taxi!"

"Bakit ka naman madudumihan sa pag-iintay lang ng taxi?" I ask, confused.

"Eh kasi may nakita akong fishball vendor," She-ra answers shyly.


"Aaaand? Ano? Sinex mo yung mamang fishball vendor?" I ask.

"Tah-nga! Nagutom ako, so kumain ako ng fishball habang nagiintay," She-ra confesses, chuckling.

After eating some of the jalapeno muffins, both of us grab a cab and head for Malate.

We decide to have a drink at this corner bar named Top and Bottom (or is it Top or Bottom?).

It's a great place to watch the Malate mutants walk by.

"Who are we waiting for anyway?" I ask.

She-ra laughs and says, "You might be surprised pero pupunta si Susie and Geno."

"Hu-waaat?" I shriek, "Bakit mo sila inimbitahan???"

"Ok, first of all, hindi ko sila ininvite," explains She-ra, while blowing smoke at my face, "I mentioned to them na magkikita tayo dito and they casually replied na papunta rin sila dito and maybe we could meet up."

I nearly choked on my Strong Ice. You see, Susie and Geno are two of my least favorite people. They are so annoying and condescending. Plus, ultra-addicts ang mga lola niyo. Eh may issue pa naman ako sa ganun.

And yes, dear readers, kilala niyo sila. Everyone knows them.

And speak of the devil, here they come.

They spot She-ra and I from afar.

Susie waves at us, his tall frame dwarfing everyone else, "Hey hey! Kamusta ang pinakamagagandang bakla sa Malate?"

Already my blood pressure is rising, "Funny, that's the same question I asked both your fathers last night."

Geno laughs derisively, "O, wag masyadong mainitin ang ulo, Bookie. Baka matunaw ang mga taba mo sa katawan."

Before I could retort, She-ra jumps in, "By the way, Geno, I had sex with that ex of yours. No wonder you couldn't stand him. Mas maluwag pa siya sa mga butas sa kalsada ng Ayala."

We all laugh. Believe it or not, I actually started having a good time. Even with Susie and Geno there. I guess having four bottles of Strong Ice in me helped a bit. I always thought I was more fun drunk than sober.

At around 1AM, after about 8 bottles for me (6 for She-ra), She-ra suggested we go to BED already. That night was my third time to go to BED, the haven of homosexual delight.

It was crowded as usual, but the music was absolutely awesome. Chicane's "Stoned in Love" was playing.

She-ra and I chose a spot in the second floor, near the ledge, over-looking the mosh pit of sweaty nubile bodies below.

We were dancing to the music when some guy approached She-ra, kissed him on the cheek, held his waist, and said, "Hey, I haven't seen you for the longest time!"

"I know! I've missed you sooo much! Where have you been?" She-ra shouted.

"Galing ako ng Singapore for a brief stint (or maybe it was stunt, by this time I was seriously tipsy and the music was sooo loud and good)," says Stranger.

"Well, see yah around, call me when you can," says She-ra, giving him a peck on the lips.

When Stranger left, I asked She-ra, "Who the hell was that?"

"I haven't the faintest idea..." She-ra looks on at his retreating figure, "parang kilala nya ako no?"

We both burst out laughing.

She-ra orders a couple of more drinks and then lo and behold, someone I know appears by my side.


Oh my God it's Paolo. He's this guy from work that has the body of a greek god, the face of an angel, and the effeminacy of Rey Pumaloy.

I had a small crush on this guy. Kaya lang mas bakla pa sa akin, eh.

"Paolo! Hi!", I reciprocate his hug. God, he is soooo sexy.

She-ra is glaring at me, mentally ordering me to introduce him to the demi-god beside me.

"Paolo, si She-ra. She-ra, si Paolo, taga-office rin sya," I say.

They shake hands and smile. Hmmm... may moment ang dalawang bakla.

Like the good friend that I am, I leave them alone, "Punta lang ako CR."

Instead of going to the CR, I order another drink, as I just guzzled the last one I had.

I see some other people I know by the bar, friends from the office, too.

I get a text message.

Alis muna kami ni Paolo ahihihi - She-ra

Ang bruhang yon! I think to myself.

By this time, I was too drunk to even care.

I get another text. Hmp, must be She-ra, baka magsosorry.

Where are u? Wanna hav breakfast? :)

- Mr. Frenemy

Patay kang bata ka. Walang tulugan nato...

Posted by callboi 14:53 Archived in Philippines Tagged gay_travel

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Hilarious Buqui!!! Ahahaha...
Said I'll just browse thru but i
was laughing til the end!
Who's Susie and Geno? Premium ba eto?
And who's Paolo? hmmmm...

by STlauder

Hahatakin kita pag nakita kita ulet mamaya.. You gotta tell me who these guys are... Ahahahaha!!

by aubreybaby

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