Crossroads...

A friend of mine is leaving this company soon. He’s a close friend of mine. He’s leaving for greener pastures. And he did something that I have been dreading for the longest time: He gave me an option to also leave.

Don’t get me wrong; I don’t dread the fact that he asked me to do as he did, leave my job for a supposedly better one. What I dread is the fact that I would really be tempted to do as he did: Leave my comfort zone.

I don’t hate my job, not entirely anyway. I’ve stayed here just because I’ve made great friends here. Being without a family, they’ve filled a hole in my heart that I seldom acknowledge.

But as Meja has insistenly sung over the years, “it’s all about the money.” It’s sad to think that I am easily lured just because of financial reasons. But hey, let’s be realistic, right? I have to be smart. The chance of a higher position with a way higher salary is just too good to pass.

Then why am I so hesitant? I guess I’m scared.

You see, this is my first job. A lot has happened to me in this company. A lot of bad things, a lot of good things, and a handful of spectacular ones.

I’m scared that if I do apply and get hired, I might not like the working environment there. Or that I might not cut it in the position given to me. What if I screw up and get fired?

But then again, what if all my worries are for naught? What if this opportunity is the one I’ve been waiting for? I really don’t know the answer yet.

I’ve had a lot of screw-ups in this company. And yet, I can honestly say that I’m still having the time of my life here. My friends make it all worthwhile.

I am reminded of a line in Conan O’brien’s commencement speech for Harvard’s class of 2000, wherein he was referring to making big decisions in life and leaving places you were comfortable in:

“I left the cocoon of Harvard, I left the cocoon of Saturday Night Live, I left the cocoon of The Simpsons. And each time it was bruising and tumultuous. And yet, every failure was freeing, and today I'm as nostalgic for the bad as I am for the good.”

As of this point, I don’t know what I’m going to do if I do get accepted. Life here in PS is relatively secure, but is job security really what I'm all about? Pakshet, I really don’t know.