Amorsolo was my nurse for the whole week I was in Makati Med.
Because of the strict diet the doctors implemented, they were only serving me meager servings of bland steamed food and lugaw.
Ang problema, kapag gutom ako at hindi nabubusog, nagiging The Hulk ako (only without turning vomit-green).
By the second day, I was already in diva-mode in my hospital bed.
"Gusto ko ng fried cheeeekeeeeeen!" I wailed.
Amorsolo looked at me sternly, one eyebrow delicately raised, "No, the doctors said you can't have anything fried for the next few days."
"Kebs na sa doctors! Gutom na akoooh!" I yelled, throwing pillows around.
Amorsolo ignored me and proceeded to take pictures of himself in his signature pose. Sinuot pa nga ng lola niyo yung isang hospital gown na nasa cabinet.
By the third day, I was extremely sick of eating tasteless wet food.
"Gusto ko ng Big Maaaaaaaaaaac!" I cried, using all the acting tips I got from watching That's Entertainment during my gay childhood (favorite ko ang Tuesday group).
"Tse! Stop this foolishness! Yung dugo mo malapot na dahil sa dami ng taba na kinain mo tapos gusto mo pa ng Big Mac!" Amorsolo scolded me, "Tigilan mo ako ha!"
I was really really angry. I kept texting Gian na ginugutom at inaaway ako ni Amorsolo but she just said I should calm down.
Para makaganti kay Amorsolo, I kept switching the tv channel to National Geographic. They were having a week-long special on poisonous snakes. And Amorsolo absolutely hates seeing snakes.
"Aay! Ano ba yan! Ilipat mo yaaaaaan!" Amorsolo shrieked, sounding like an Assumptionista gone wild.
Tumawa lang ako habang nagkukunyaring may hawak na wine glass.
On the fourth day, Amorsolo entered my hospital room, holding in has hand a bucket of fried chicken.
Lesson of the day: Magbiro ka na sa lasing, huwag lang sa taong patay-gutom na tulad ko.