While I was in the hospital, they had me talk to a dietician about my, well, my diet.
"Malakas po ba kayong kumain?" the female dietician asked me.
I thought to myself, "Hindi, mahina lang po akong kumain, puro skyflakes lang at tsoknat kaya ako tumaba ng ganito."
Instead I answered, "Opo, medyo malakas po."
"Mahilig ka sigurong kumain ng matamis ano?" she asked me, with a knowing smile on her face.
I thought: Hindi rin, puro bagoong at dilis ang dessert ko sa bahay, but I said, "Mahilig po ako sa ice cream at chocolates."
"Naku, iho, kelangang baguhin mo na ang diet mo, kasi pag tuluy-tuloy ka pa ng ganyang lagay, baka di ka na umabot ng fifty!" she warned, and then asked me, "May asawa ka na ba?"
Wala, puro booking lang.
"Wala po, single pa ho," I replied.
"Okay, so bawal ka na kumain ng matatamis masyado," she advised.
Gusto ko ng cookies and cream na ice cream, I thought.
"You should also avoid oily and fatty food," she added.
Gusto ko ng crispy pata and red horse.
"Dapat ang rice intake mo, 2 servings lang kada meal," she said, while writing on her clipboard.
Nagulat naman ako, "Dalawang servings po kada meal?"
She nodded, "Oo, ang isang serving equivalent to one-half cup."
So isang cup lang pala. Bakit di lang niya sinabi agad na isang cup lang. Hmp. Imbiyerna.
The nurses took samples of my blood every three hours. They checked my blood pressure once every hour. They took my vitals every hour also. I never had a decent night's sleep in my "hotel stay" sa Makati Med.
Although, don't get me wrong, the nurses were really nice. They kept laughing at my jokes and my friends who were by my side almost my entire stay in the hospital.
Ang benta-benta ko nga sa kanila eh. Although halos lahat sila ang sakit kumuha ng dugo.
While one nurse kept plunging the needle in and out of my arm, looking for a vein, she asked me, "Masakit po ba?"
I wanted to answer, "Hindi! Enjoy nga eh! Tuluy-tuloy mo lang! Sarap ng pagtusok mo! Orgasmic, marse!"
Ang isa pang reklamo ko lang, bakit walang cute na male nurse???
I think there were about five doctors who handled my case, and they all looked in on me once every day.
Although, some of them kept going to my room, just so they could watch tv. Tumatambay lang yata. Sarap talaga maging doktor.
All of them had one common advice for me: Go on a diet or die!